The Foundations of Systemic Constellations
As a systemic therapist I’m asked to contribute to the change the client wants to realise. At first that makes perfect sense, but when you think about it, it is actually rather strange.
If a person wants change, why don’t they just go ahead and change?
Why is an outside person necessary to help them make the change?
Looking deeper into why certain changes are not made by the client, we can learn what makes changing so hard for people.
As human beings we have survived by living in groups, which are systems that are governed by larger systems. We grow up in a family, neighbourhood and as part of a community. We are in a class at a school and live in a country with a certain culture. As individuals we have a place within these systems that is secured by upholding the values, norms, moral code, rules and behavioural patterns that have been dictated to us by these systems.
Every client that comes to me is part of different systems where they have secured their place by adapting to these systems. Whatever the client wants to change has served them in functioning within these systems and by looking at it from that angle we understand why change is so difficult and scary. Each pattern we break and conditioning we outgrow will potentially lead to losing our place within the systems we belong to.
Let me explain this with an example. Let’s say a client comes to me who is a people pleaser, their desire is to be able to say no without feeling guilty. As a therapist I will ask questions in the line of who else was a people pleaser within your family? To who will you be disloyal if you are no longer pleasing others? What has people pleasing rewarded you with up until now? What did you hope to achieve by pleasing others?
In systemic work we recognise the following things; one that every child is blindly loyal to the family and will follow the parent’s example without question. This means that any change in behaviour is an act of disloyalty to at least one of your parents or primary caretakers. And two that all behaviour produced positive results and gave you what you needed up to a certain point in your development. This means that the behaviour, as unhealthy as it may be, comes natural to us and feels very comfortable, letting go of old behaviour is therefore scary and hard work.
When the client is asked deeper questions like: Who will benefit from you being able to say no? Who will have a hard time when you start saying no? What will happen in your relationships when you start saying no? What do you fear will happen when you start saying no? We reach another facet of why it is so difficult to change. Any change in our behaviour will affect our position within the systems we are a part of. In the case of this client saying no will mean that someone else will have to do the things that the client will no longer do. There might be confrontations and uncomfortable moments as the other people within the different systems that the client is a part of are forced to adjust to the change in the client’s behaviour. Moving through the effects of change with the client is an integral part of coaching and therapy, because it ensures that the client has the tools to deal with the changes in the outside world as he or she makes the desired changes in the inside world.
Each and every one of us is a part of at least 15 systems whether we are aware of it or not. In systemic constellations we look at your individual place within your system of origin (your family) to unravel what parts of your behaviour are copied or taken on out of loyalty that no longer serve you in your day-to-day life.
A Systemic Constellation Explained
In a nutshell a systemic constellation is a real-life representation of how different members of a system relate to each other. We do this with real people in the form of representatives, that the client picks to represent individual members of the system. A systemic constellation is used to find the root of the behaviour, learn what its function is within the system, and bring healing to the system so the client can let go of the behaviour. This is all achieved by working with what we call ‘The Field’.
Carl Gustav Jung called the field ‘The Collective Unconscious’ which refers to the idea that a part of the unconscious human mind is not shaped by personal experience, but genetically inherited and shared with every human being.
In systemic constellations the field is a place that moves towards health, this is why we don’t work with problems but with desires. Before we start the systemic constellation, we reshape the client’s problem into a desire, this way we are naturally moving towards healing. Once the client has wholeheartedly stated their desire, we start the actual constellation by asking people to represent the different members of the family of the client.
When someone is asked to represent a certain member of a system, they find a place within the field and start to experience the emotions, bodily aches and movements that belong to the person that they are representing. It is crucial for the representative to observe these sensations and not engage with them on a personal level.
As a representative you will know and feel where you want to stand, sit or be in the field. You will also know and feel who feels safe, who feels unsafe, who you like and who you don’t like. In the beginning of the constellation, I personally allow the representatives to dance around each other until each one finds the place where they feel most comfortable within the field, other therapists let the client direct the representatives to a place that the client feels are best. As a therapist I do the constellation mostly in silence, as lots of words tend to distract and complicate. The client is invited to engage with the representatives in the field to learn more about the dynamics and see where there is an opening towards the client’s desire. If needed I might make a suggestion or ask specific questions and ask for short answers, but in general I trust that the field in correlation with the client and the system will make the movements and show the specific steps that are necessary to reach the desired outcome.
A systemic constellation can take 20 minutes to one hour, depending on the complexity of the system and the type of constellation used. I described a classic family constellation, but there are a wide variety of constellations available. As a constellation therapist I feel into which constellation is best suited to the client and their desire at that time, but I believe that ultimately it doesn’t matter which type of constellation is used, the field will always provide the insights, answers and steps that are aligned with the client’s desire.
Main – Photo by Polina Tankilevitch
