Are You Able to Ask for Help… 

The Power of Asking for Help: A Lesson from Steve Jobs

There is wisdom in the saying, “If you don’t ask, you won’t get.” Steve Jobs attributed much of his success to the courage of asking for help—something many people fail to do. As Jobs famously said, “I’ve never found anybody who didn’t want to help me when I’ve asked them for help!” Perhaps, at times, we stand in our own way.

Instead of overthinking, we might be better off simply articulating our needs honestly and asking for support.

The Reluctance to Ask for Help: Why Is It So Hard?

Asking for help is something many of us struggle with. We fear burdening others, believe we should handle everything ourselves, and worry about how others might perceive us. If you find it difficult to ask for help, you’re not alone. This reluctance often stems from a deep-seated fear of vulnerability. Admitting that we can’t do everything on our own can feel like a threat to our independence or competence. We might fear inconveniencing others or, worse yet, feeling inadequate when we can’t manage on our own.

I’ve experienced this firsthand. After the birth of my first child, I tried to do everything by myself, battled post-natal blues, and suffered in silence. It wasn’t until later, with subsequent births and a better support system, that I realised how much harder I had made things for myself. Looking back, I can see how asking for help would have been crucial for my mental health and well-being. This is why it’s important to regularly assess your responsibilities. If your to-do list starts to feel overwhelming, it might be time to ask for help. When negative self-talk urges you not to reach out, write those thoughts down and critically assess whether they’re based on facts or just unfounded fears. Often, these internal messages have no real evidence behind them. Remember, asking for help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a way of ensuring you can take care of your needs, both mentally and physically.

Interestingly, studies suggest that people often believe others will reject their requests for help more frequently than is actually the case. This fear of rejection can prevent us from reaching out when we need assistance. At the same time, we may underestimate the impact of a simple “thank you” or a gesture of gratitude, which can leave a lasting, positive impression on those who help us[11],[12].

Another reason we hesitate to ask for help is the fear of having to return the favour. If we’re already stretched thin, the thought of reciprocating—whether by looking after someone else’s children or walking their dog—can feel like too much. We may also wonder if offering help will make the other person uncomfortable. Social expectations around offering and receiving help vary across cultures, and in our increasingly individualistic, modernised world, the boundaries around social support have become less clear.

Our willingness to both give and receive help is shaped by a combination of cultural and generational influences. Older generations often place high value on hierarchical respect for elders and on religious or communal beliefs about mutual aid—values that may not be as widely emphasised today. If you grew up in a tight-knit community, the welfare of others was likely a central part of your upbringing. On the other hand, those who have grown up in more isolated environments might not have developed the same sense of collective responsibility. This can lead to a stronger focus on individual goals, rather than a shared sense of community and mutual support.

What Do People with Strong Social Connections Have in Common?

People who are well-connected socially often have strong relationships within their community. They engage with their neighbours, participate in community activities, and feel a sense of belonging and shared responsibility[13]. These individuals experience a sense of acceptance and solidarity, which plays a significant role in their well-being.

On the other hand, social isolation is associated with various negative health outcomes. People who are isolated tend to smoke more, exercise less, have poorer diets, and are more prone to obesity[14].

Social connection is a fundamental biological need…

…and lacking it can severely affect your ability to manage stress and trauma. Chronic loneliness has been linked to heightened stress, anxiety, depression, and even premature death[15][16].

The Impact of Social Interaction on Children

For children, growing up in an environment that fosters social interaction, physical affection, and praise can make a significant difference. These children are more likely to develop a sense of motivation to help others and to pursue reciprocity—an essential foundation for maintaining stable, healthy social environments.

Common Features of Countries with High Levels of Mutual Support:

• Strong Social Safety Nets: Countries with comprehensive healthcare, unemployment benefits, and parental leave tend to have higher levels of support, both from the government and within communities.
• High Social Trust: In countries where people trust each other and their institutions, cooperation and collective action are more common.
• Cultural Norms of Reciprocity: Many of these countries emphasise the importance of helping others, whether through formal volunteerism or informal acts of kindness.
• Active Volunteerism: Countries that encourage volunteerism, either through government programs or community-based initiatives, often enjoy stronger networks of mutual support.

However, for the most part studies indicate that globally, social connection is on the decline, and more people are spending time alone. This is concerning, as social support is crucial for life satisfaction and well-being[17],[18]. Countries that lack civic space—defined as the environment that enables people and groups to meaningfully participate in the political, economic, social, and cultural life of their societies—tend to have lower rates of volunteerism and social support.

Clarifying Goals & Resources

When deciding whether to ask for help, it’s important to assess your goals and resources. If it’s clear that a goal cannot be achieved with the resources you currently have—whether time, energy, or money—it might be a sign that you need external assistance.

Practical Steps to Address a Need for Help

1. Make a List of Your Responsibilities

Begin by listing all your current responsibilities—work, household chores, childcare, bill payments, fitness routines, etc. Then, evaluate whether any can be eliminated, adjusted, or postponed, and focus on what truly matters. If multiple goals are competing for your attention, prioritize the most urgent or important ones. When feeling overwhelmed, a clear, rational plan can provide direction and help you move forward in alignment with your values. Once you have everything laid out, rank your tasks by importance and value, so you can identify which ones are critical and which can be delegated or delayed.

2. Ways to Ask for Help Effectively

Asking for help is a skill, and like any skill, it requires practice and planning. Here are some tips to approach it with confidence:

• Identify the Specific Help You Need: Be clear about the kind of help you’re requesting. Whether it’s emotional support, assistance with a task, or advice, being specific helps others understand your needs.
• Choose the Right Person to Ask: Consider who is best suited to help. Think about their capabilities, availability, and willingness to assist.
• Pick the Right Time: Timing matters. Choose a moment when both of you are available and in a good mood. Avoid asking for help during stressful or busy times.
• Be Honest and Clear: Communicate your needs directly and openly. Avoid vague requests, as they can cause confusion or discomfort.
• Respect Their Autonomy: Let the person know they’re not obligated to help. Make it clear that it’s okay for them to say no. People are more likely to help when they feel free to decline. Research shows that if someone feels coerced into helping, any benefits they would receive from assisting may be negated.[19]
• Be Polite: Use respectful language, such as “Would you be willing to…?” or “Could you help me with…?”. You can soften your request by adding, “Are you sure it’s not too much to ask?” or “You don’t have to, but…”.
• Stay Firm in Your Request: Don’t back out halfway. If the person agrees to help, express gratitude and accept their assistance graciously.
• Be Open About Your Situation: If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure about what exactly you need, it’s okay to admit it. Sometimes, just talking through the situation with someone can help clarify the way forward.
• Show Gratitude: Always thank those who offer their help, and acknowledge their support. Gratitude strengthens relationships and encourages future help. Accepting help is an act of self-care,[20] and it also reinforces the bond between you and the person offering assistance.
• If Help is Refused, Explore Other Options: If someone cannot help, don’t be discouraged. Look for other ways to find assistance or consider alternate solutions.
• Consider Offering a Token of Appreciation: A small gesture—such as a thank-you card or gift—can go a long way in showing appreciation. If you can’t reciprocate immediately, explain why and offer to help when your circumstances improve.

3. Other Ways to Find Support

Even if you don’t live in a community with strong social networks, there are still many ways to find the support you need:

• Find Online Support Networks: Join communities or forums where others share similar challenges. Online groups can provide a sense of belonging and mutual support.
• Talk to a Friend or Family Member: Sometimes, people want to help but aren’t sure how. Share what you’re going through and how you’re feeling.
• Seek Therapy or Coaching: If you’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed, professional support through therapy or coaching can help you navigate difficult times.
• Limit Commitments: Overwhelm often stems from taking on too much. It’s okay to say no to things that don’t align with your priorities or are too much to handle at the moment.
• Create Time for Yourself: Schedule “me time” to recharge. Simple activities like reading, walking, or practicing mindfulness can significantly reduce stress.
• Automate Tasks: Use technology to reduce your load. Set up reminders, automate bill payments, and use apps to organize tasks or grocery lists. This can free up time for other important matters.
• Meal Prep: If food-related tasks cause stress, consider meal prepping for the week or using delivery services.
• Be Kind to Yourself: Give yourself permission to do things imperfectly or to abandon tasks that aren’t necessary. Practice self-compassion.
• Family or Household Discussions: If you’re managing a household, hold a family meeting to discuss how to divide responsibilities more fairly. Be open about your struggles, and brainstorm ways to lighten the load together.
• Help Others: If you’re in a good place, the next time you ask a friend, “How are you?” take an extra moment to truly check in with them. Offer help if you can, you may find that this does you good too.
• Be Proactive: If you sense you might need help in the future, try to anticipate what kind of support you might require and seek it out before you’re in a crisis. This proactive approach can reduce stress and give you peace of mind.

And What If Someone Asks You for Help?

When someone asks you for help, it’s important to set healthy boundaries. If you can’t assist, be honest about it. You may feel guilty for saying no, but it’s crucial to acknowledge that your resources—whether emotional, physical, or financial—are not limitless. Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care; it means you’re preserving your own well-being. If you cannot fulfill the request, consider offering help in a smaller way or suggest other avenues for support.

Over-committing can lead to burnout, and it’s perfectly acceptable to decline requests that don’t align with your priorities or are too much to handle at the moment.

Conclusion: The Power of Connection, Community, & Asking for Help

In a world that often celebrates individualism, it’s easy to forget that our strength lies not in doing everything ourselves, but in the power of connection and community. Whether we realise it or not, human beings are social creatures. The relationships we build with those around us—our family, friends, neighbours, and even strangers—are the foundation of our well-being.

As we’ve explored, some of the happiest and most resilient societies are those where community and mutual support are at the heart of everyday life. These cultures teach us that asking for help is not a sign of failure, but an essential part of a shared, thriving environment. It’s through our connections with others—whether that means having a neighbour who offers a listening ear, a friend who helps with childcare, or a community that gathers in times of need—that we cultivate a sense of belonging, purpose, and collective strength.

Local communities are often where we find the most immediate and practical support. Whether it’s through small gestures—like helping with groceries, watching a child, or offering a ride—or through organised community initiatives, these connections form the bedrock of resilience in our daily lives. In times of stress, it’s the people who live closest to us who can offer the most comfort and tangible help. If we share our concerns and struggles shared understanding can be incredibly powerful. The act of helping one another strengthens not only the individual but the community as a whole, creating a ripple effect of support that grows with each kind act.

So, the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that you don’t have to handle everything on your own. Asking for help, or offering it, is a fundamental part of building a connected, supportive environment.

Life is a delicate balance of give and take. Sometimes, we need to reach out and allow others to lend a hand. Other times, we’re called upon to offer our own help. Both are equally important in creating communities that are resilient, compassionate, and sustainable.

By nurturing our connections, we build stronger communities where everyone has the opportunity to thrive. Don’t wait for the struggle to feel overwhelming. Instead, cultivate these relationships now—before you need them. In the end, our collective well-being is what allows us all to thrive. So, reach out, connect, and help others when you can. Together, we can create communities where social connection is not just a luxury, but a way of life.

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References

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Main – Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash