Many of us grapple with self-doubt when stepping into the unknown, feeling as though we’re behind or not good enough. In this heartfelt response to Nathan, our resident therapist & coach James Jackson unpacks the hidden forces at play, old survival scripts, the comparison trap & perfectionism & offers powerful mindset shifts to break free. If you’ve ever felt stuck in hesitation or weighed down by self-doubt, this message is a reminder: you are not behind, you are more ready than you think.
Trusting Your Own Path
Hello James,
I’m in my early forties, trying to rebuild my life. After years of working in a job I didn’t enjoy, I finally decided to carve out a new path for myself. But every time I try to move forward, something holds me back. I keep procrastinating, second-guessing my decisions, and sometimes even giving up before I start, thinking, “It won’t be good enough anyway.”
I also can’t stop comparing myself to others. They seem more successful, more ahead in life, and I constantly feel like I’m falling behind. I want to be appreciated, but at the same time, the fear of not being good enough keeps me from taking action. Why do I feel this way? How can I move forward without standing in my own way?
Thank you.
Nathan
Dear Nathan,
Thank you for your email. I suspect your words will resonate with many, as the struggle between ambition and self-doubt is something most of us wrestle with at some point. You have taken the bold step of breaking free from a life that didn’t serve you—that in itself is no small feat. But the mind, ever loyal to its old programming, often lags behind when we set out on a new path. Let’s take a closer look at what’s happening here.
The Invisible Anchor: Why You Feel This Way
The hesitation you describe—the procrastination, second-guessing, and fear of not being good enough—is not a sign of failure; it’s a sign of survival programming. Your brain is running an outdated script, one designed to keep you ‘safe’ from perceived threats, which in this case, is the risk of failure or rejection. It learned long ago that playing it safe—staying in the job you didn’t enjoy, avoiding risks—kept you in familiar territory, even if it wasn’t fulfilling.
As Carl Jung said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Right now, your unconscious mind is still running the script that tells you stepping out of your comfort zone is dangerous. But the truth is, stagnation is far more dangerous than failure.
The Comparison Trap
Comparison is a natural human instinct, but when it becomes paralysing, it’s because your brain is measuring your progress using someone else’s ruler. The people you compare yourself to—those who seem ‘more ahead’—are simply living out their own stories. Their starting points, challenges, and inner battles are unknown to you. The only accurate and meaningful comparison is between who you were yesterday and who you are becoming today.
Seneca once wrote, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” You’re not suffering because you’re behind; you’re suffering because you believe you’re behind. The mind has a way of magnifying perceived shortcomings while minimising our own growth.
A simple yet effective exercise: instead of asking, “Am I successful compared to them?” ask, “Am I becoming more aligned with the life I want?” That is the only measure that truly matters.
Moving Forward: Three Shifts to Break the Cycle
- Reframe Procrastination as a Message, Not a Failure
Procrastination isn’t laziness. It’s often a mix of perfectionism and fear. Instead of berating yourself for ‘not doing enough,’ ask, “What am I afraid of here?” If the answer is failure, rejection, or being judged, remind yourself that no growth happens without some level of discomfort. Start small, allow imperfection, and remember: progress is the goal, not perfection.
As Voltaire wisely put it, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” Let go of the idea that your actions must be flawless before they are valuable.
- Rewrite the Narrative of ‘Not Good Enough’
If we were in a session together, I’d ask you: Whose voice is telling you that you’re not good enough? Often, this isn’t even our own belief—it’s an old echo from a parent, teacher, or authority figure in our past. Challenge it. Speak to it directly: “I appreciate that you were trying to protect me, but I don’t need this belief anymore.” Every time that voice reappears, remind yourself: “I am learning. I am growing. I am exactly where I need to be.”
Consider this from Rainer Maria Rilke: “The only journey is the one within.” Your progress is not about external validation; it’s about inner alignment.
- Take Imperfect Action
If you wait for confidence before taking action, you’ll wait forever. Confidence is not a prerequisite—it’s the byproduct of doing. So, take the next small step. Not a giant leap, just the next doable action. Send the email, make the call, write the first page. Celebrate the action, not the outcome.
As Goethe once said, “Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” Your future self is waiting for you to start.
The Truth About ‘Being Behind’
Nathan, let me leave you with this: You are not behind. There is no universal timeline, no race to ‘success.’ You are exactly where you need to be to learn what you need to learn. Growth is never linear, and transformation doesn’t happen on a fixed schedule.
You’ve already done the hardest part—you’ve recognised the old patterns. Now it’s time to step into the version of yourself that no longer needs to seek permission to move forward.
Take the step.
You are ready.
James
Do you have a question or concern that you’d like to share with James? Please submit it by email to askjames@brainmindandbody.com
Any advice provided in ‘Ask James’ is intended for informational and general guidance purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or legal services. Readers are encouraged to consult a licensed professional for personalised advice or treatment specific to their situation. All letters are anonymised to protect privacy unless explicit consent is provided to include identifiable details. By submitting a question, you agree to its potential publication in anonymised form, unless you explicitly request otherwise. Advice is offered within the scope of James’ expertise, and all health-related claims are verified with credible sources to ensure accuracy. If your submission is selected for publication, you will be notified by email before it is published. Due to the volume of submissions, we cannot guarantee a response to every letter. However, priority will be given to topics that resonate with a broad audience of readers.
