Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Conditioning
Emotional conditioning is a powerful force that shapes our lives, influencing our relationships and self-perception. For women, this conditioning often manifests in the form of an emotional armour, constructed during childhood as a means of self-protection.
In this article, we will examine the significant influence of emotional conditioning on women’s lives, exploring the depths of their emotional fortification and analysing how it molds their interactions with others and with the world.
We will shed light on the significance of letting go of these protective layers and embracing vulnerability as a means to empower ourselves and foster personal growth.
Introduction
Emotional conditioning refers to the process by which individuals internalise emotional patterns and behaviours based on their early life experiences. This phenomenon has a significant influence on women’s relationships and their ability to protect themselves emotionally. To effectively navigate these complex dynamics, it is crucial to gain a comprehensive understanding of the concept, its origins and how it manifests from a very young age.
By understanding how our emotions shape our behaviour, we can overcome harmful habits that hold us back from forming healthy and authentic relationships with ourselves and others. This process allows us to uncover our true selves and build meaningful connections that support healthier emotions.
Understanding the Origins
Our childhood experiences have a profound impact on who we become as individuals, shaping our beliefs about ourselves, our relationships with others, and our perception of the world. For women who have endured trauma, neglect, or abuse during their early years, these experiences often lead to the development of coping mechanisms that act as emotional armour.
What’s fascinating is that it’s not always the big traumas that leave the strongest mark. Through my extensive experience working with hundreds of women, I have come to realise that even the seemingly insignificant traumas can imprint themselves deeply and paralyse us in unexpected ways. They can create a web of beliefs about love, trust, and vulnerability that continue to shape our interactions well into adulthood.
This is also where many women find the underlying reason why they are not able to naturally conceive, because at a subconscious level, they are afraid to reproduce what they have been through.
Emotional conditioning is a survival mechanism that we, as children, develop in response to challenging circumstances. It is during our early years that we strive to comprehend the world around us, leading to the formation of certain beliefs. For example, consistent neglect or mistreatment from our mother may lead us to doubt our own worthiness of love and affection, making us think that we are unlovable.
Similarly, if our father leaves the family, we might internalise the belief that we are somehow responsible for his departure, thinking that we are bad people. Another example could be if the relationship of our parents is unhappy because they are constantly fighting and not nice to each other, making us come to the conclusion that this is happening because of us. “They are unhappy because of me”. These deeply ingrained perceptions shape our emotional responses and behaviours throughout our lives. As children, we naturally seek to make meaning of everything that happens to us, always ending up attributing the problems to ourselves rather than our parents. We have all done that!
When we understand the origins of our emotional conditioning, we begin to see our life through the eyes of an adult and not the eyes of a child who cannot change anything about their circumstances. This newfound perspective allows us to dismantle the barriers that prevent us from experiencing fulfilling relationships and true self-protection.
The Armour We Carry Around
The emotional armour we carry around for years and years acts as a shield, protecting us from potential emotional harm. Its number one objective is to never relive the past wound again and it apparently fits us so well and we’ve been carrying it for so long that it has finally turned into another layer of our skin. We really think it’s part of ourselves when it’s not. The manifestations can be observed in various ways, including emotional detachment, defensiveness, perfectionism, and inability to trust others.
While this armour may have served a purpose in the past, helping us make sense of what was happening to us when we were children and survive in this world, helping us grow and turn into the capable adults we are now, it can and does hinder our ability to form deep connections and experience authentic emotional intimacy with ourselves and with others. Something that used to make sense, that was so clever for a very young kid to create to survive, is now getting us completely stuck in our lives, preventing us from feeling, growing, evolving and creating the life of freedom that we desire.
Breaking free from this armour requires self-reflection and a willingness to explore our emotional patterns. It requires us to go deep and sometimes to go where we’ve been trying not to go anymore for years and years. Imagine finally shedding a suit that has grown too small over the years. It will undoubtedly require time, test your patience and push you to your limits, but the freedom awaiting on the other side is truly priceless.
Breaking free from this armour requires conscious self-reflection and a willingness to explore and recognise the ways in which we protect ourselves, the patterns, the people, the situations, and the relationships we attract in our lives. The learning lessons that show up repeatedly and understanding their impact on our relationship with ourselves (the way we treat ourselves, the way we speak about ourselves, the way we show up for ourselves) and others is the first step towards healing and rediscovering our true essence.
Breaking the Cycle
How can you shed the layers of emotional conditioning and embrace your true essence?
Embarking on a personal development journey can be both exciting and challenging. As you navigate this path, it’s important to keep things simple and practical. Here are some easy-to-understand steps to help you embrace personal growth and shed emotional conditioning:
- Reflect on your emotions: Take time to deeply understand your emotions and the factors that may be influencing them. Look back at past experiences and patterns that have shaped your emotional responses. Remember, there are no bad emotions; they all have a reason for existing. It is important to look at them without judgment.
- Identify triggers: Pay attention to situations or people that consistently evoke strong emotions or defensive reactions. Recognise the patterns and triggers that contribute to your emotional conditioning.
- Cultivate self-awareness: Practice being fully present and become more attuned to your emotions in the present moment. This awareness will help you recognise when emotional conditioning is influencing your reactions.
- Challenge limiting beliefs: Question the beliefs and narratives that have been passed on to you by your parents and the people who raised you. What do you remember hearing time and again when you were a child? Take the time to explore alternative perspectives and question the validity of these beliefs.
- Seek support: We don’t have to do it all alone! Look for a therapist you can trust and connect with others who have gone through similar experiences. Trust is the most important thing to look for as it will help you navigate this self-discovery process hand in hand. Having someone provide guidance and encouragement throughout your journey can be a true game changer.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself as you navigate this life-changing process. Embrace vulnerability with self-compassion, understanding that it is a very courageous act not everybody will decide to look at in their lifetime.
- Take small steps: Gradually expose yourself to situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Allow yourself to experience the discomfort that comes with embracing vulnerability, soon turning discomfort into a close friend.
- Embrace a growth mindset: Adopt a mindset that sees vulnerability as an opportunity for growth and personal development. Embrace the belief that vulnerability is a strength rather that will lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment in life.
- Celebrate progress: Acknowledge and celebrate each step forward you take however small it may seem at first. Recognise the courage and strength it takes to embark on this transformative journey.
As we shed the layers of emotional conditioning, we begin to reclaim our true essence prioritising self-care, engaging in activities that bring joy, practicing mindfulness and taking care of our physical health.
Self-discovery is also a vital component, as exploring our passions, strengths and values allows us to uncover our authentic selves and find purpose and direction.
Conclusion
Breaking free from the cycle of emotional conditioning is a transformative journey that requires self-awareness, self-compassion and a real commitment to personal growth. By shedding the layers of emotional armour, embracing authenticity and prioritising our emotional well-being, we can heal generational wounds and reclaim our true essence.
Remember, you have the strength within you to break free and create a life filled with authentic connections and personal fulfillment. You are not alone; this journey is one that many of us have embarked upon and continue to navigate at this very moment!
Keep on pursuing personal growth and take the time to reconnect with your true essence. This will allow you to gain a fresh perspective on your life and the world around you, almost like wearing a brand new pair of glasses! By doing so, you will be better equipped to overcome challenges, broaden your horizons and recognise opportunities where you once saw obstacles.
Main – Image by Wilfried Pohnke from Pixabay
