63 years ago, in Denmark, two specks of material combined, and over the next 9 months, everything that comprises me today began to be created. Everything was taken care of; nature created yet another specimen: a human being. Me. I started my life like everybody else, with an inhale of air.
I’m now a parent to another miracle, my daughter, Zoe (meaning life), who is 21 years old. When she was born prematurely and fought for her life for a short time, Martina, my ex-girlfriend, and I marveled at the miniature fingernails, the wrinkles on her knuckles, her knees the size of our finger joints. Tiny and perfect, her whole body fit into my one hand. I’m thinking my parents, just like Martina and me, thanked nature for yet another wonder: the creation of a perfect human being. I’m not religious; I don’t believe in a supreme being, a God. I do believe in a supreme force of some kind, or more precisely, a connection to the cosmos, to the universe, a belief that everything is linked together in a way that from the start has a set course. A holistic approach to life. But set in a way that there is room for deviations, pauses, reroutes, turnarounds – the learning curve. So, nature, God, cosmos has spent 9 months creating this perfection, and we as parents might look towards heaven and in our minds and souls thank God for the work and tell him/her/it gratefully: “Thank you, we’ll take it from here.” And we do. We do it the best way we know.
Trying to be loving, giving, protecting, and developing in the raising of our child while at the same time attempting to fit our daily life, responsibilities, and chores into the puzzle of the nitty-gritty duties and demands from spouses, friends, family, colleagues, bosses, and the expectations of others – true or imagined – as well as the expectations we place on ourselves and the cultural values that our society demands or expects us to adhere to. We ‘Edge God Out’ – in other words, we create or develop our EGO. We strive to cover all bases, racing to meet deadlines and expectations, aiming to be more efficient, work harder, and work more to earn prestige – in the form of esteem, money, and possessions that we can buy and show off, such as a bigger house, an additional house, apartment, car, promotion, or another ‘better’ job. We begin to identify ourselves as individuals based on what we do and what we have. We slowly but surely become human doings instead of staying human beings, as we entered this world.
In a random encounter with another human being where we might strike up a conversation, the question, “How are you doing?” is asked almost immediately. “I’m fine,” is the standard answer in most cases. But what if the answer were to be: “I’m not doing well at all.” That response would cause many people to suddenly pause, become conscious, and pay attention to the present moment. The next question is almost certainly: “So, what do you do for a living?” within the first few minutes. In the next couple of minutes, the question “Where do you live?” comes up. In other words, what is your position in society and where can you afford to live? The answers to these questions establish the other person’s place in the hierarchy.
Back to my point about human beings versus human doings. We trot along in our everyday race year after year, dealing with the pleasures, the bumps, and the obstacles of life, creating a routine, taking everything for granted, controlling and anticipating life and situations, seemingly cool, calm and collected, the triple C’s.
We get frustrated, hurt, angry, sad when things don’t go according to plan, get up on the horse again and keep riding until we get kicked off again my something unexpected, something we couldn’t foresee or control. Because such is life. It doesn’t have to be easy – as long as it is not without substance.
Life goes on. Time passes. We get older and wiser. We enter the afternoon of our lives, and we gradually discover that what was true in the morning of our lives isn’t necessarily true in the afternoon. Priorities change. We might not find it as important to run as fast as we did earlier. What we once strived to accomplish might not be our number one goal anymore.
This shift in priorities follows a similar pattern for most of us, at least in terms of the top 5 or 6 factors. And it differs quite a lot for men and women. Thousands of people have been asked to make a top priority list before and after experiencing this shift.
Before This Shift the Top 5 Priorities for Men Were:
- Wealth – money to support the family (we’re taught that as men)
- Adventure – to conquer the world, being a guy
- Achievement – as men we are what we do, what we accomplish
- Pleasure – going out with the guys, getting as many dates as possible, having fun
- To be respected
After the Shift the Top 5 Priorities for Men Were:
- Spirituality
- Personal peace – less anxiety, less stress
- Family – what matters to me in this life?
- Purpose in life – what do I want with my life?
- Honesty – how honest am I as a man (about my feelings, etc)?
For Women the Top 5 List Before the Shift Were:
- Family – women are often raised to take care of the children, being a good daughter
- Independence – a feeling of being independent
- Career – having another purpose that ‘just’ taking care of the family
- Fitting in – trying to be like everybody else
- Attractiveness – how do I look (the right clothes, the right make-up, the right brands)?
After the Shift the Top 5 List for Women Were:
- Own personal growth – how do I feel about myself?
- Self-esteem – am I worth anything, am I a valuable human being?
- Spirituality – am I connected to something bigger than myself?
- Happiness
- Forgiveness – letting go of resentment
This list is interesting, but beyond that, I believe it is important, once anybody has experienced this change of priorities, that one’s focus is on letting go of the EGO, not edging God out any longer, not trying to control things that you might not be able to control anyway, and going back to the very start – the 9 months in your mother’s womb, the state where God, Nature, or whatever bigger source you believe in took care of creating you, forming you, preparing you for your destiny in this life. Now, let this same force show you your way.
To be able to continue down this new road, you might have to look for a new home – a home where you feel you belong, where you feel you can be yourself, stand up for who you are, what you want, and where you find purpose. Be authentic. And this home is inside you; it’s your base upon which you feel solid, comfortable, safe and happy.
To do that – requires consciousness and determination. It requires a mindset that you can buy into and hold onto at times when you might doubt your new chosen road. Because, while traveling down this new road, life is still happening around you: daily chores, deadlines, should-do’s, ought-to-do’s, conflicts with others and with yourself, disappointments and also a lot of good moments. But remember:
Life is what’s happening while you plan all the other things.
To not be caught up in the rat race of modern society once again requires consciousness.
Maximum effect in the shortest time with the least expenditure of energy…
And mindset.
