A Holistic Family Therapist’s approach to Peaceful Family gatherings
Between stimulus & response, there is a space… In that space, is our power to choose our response… In our response lies our growth & freedom – Viktor Frankl
The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and celebration—but it can also bring stress, especially when it comes to family gatherings. Here are my most practical tips to foster peaceful connections within your family this festive season.
Tip 1: Tune In
As the saying goes, peace begins within. Bearing in mind your family dynamics and past experiences—which often dictate how holidays unfold—do your best to slow down and become present.
Feel your feet or your sit bones if you’re sitting down, notice your chest, abdomen, and jaw. Relax these areas and practise mindful breathing techniques: try to exhale for a little longer than you inhale…**
Begin to witness the sensations of tension or relief in your body as you navigate the days ahead. Include these physiological messages alongside your logical mind to inform your decisions, both big and small.
When you tune in, you’ll notice one of two basic sensations: pleasant or unpleasant. For example, a tense chest or abdomen might signal discomfort, while an open, relaxed feeling suggests ease. Between these extremes, practice helps you decode more subtle inner messages. Learning this internal language can be a valuable tool during the holidays.
This season, simply distinguishing between feelings of trust and expansion versus discomfort will guide your interactions.
Tip 2: Practise Ahead of Gatherings
Start practising now to familiarise yourself with your inner landscape. By doing so, you’ll be better prepared to interpret these signals during interactions at family gatherings.
For example, if you feel reassured that engaging with a particular sibling feels safe, you might take the following small risk…
Tip 3: Start with a Simple Conversation
“Sometimes the greatest connection is simply a conversation.” ~ Amadeus Wolf
A conversation doesn’t have to be complicated. Stick to something that’s happening in the present… For example, how warm or cold you feel, how lovely a song sounds, mention a decoration that appeals to you, a Christmassy smell, or a festive dish.
Staying focused on physical sensations, you might even enquire if they’re hungry or tired. You’ll feel more in control, and therefore calmer, by staying in the here and now. You’ll be better able to manage interactions, changing course if needed.
Tip 4: Accept That Not Every Conversation Is Needed
Not every moment calls for engagement. While you might not know all the triggers or “buttons” in your family, you likely have a general sense of where the landmines are.
This is where the past can inform the present. Keeping conversations in the here and now can help you feel safer. If tensions arise, pause…and breath…
Tip 5: Set Boundaries with Roles, Expectations, and Alcohol
Family roles, expectations, and boundaries play a significant role in the well-worn patterns we often find ourselves in and alcohol can amplify certain behaviours. Limit your own consumption and stay aware of how others are affected.
Check in with your body sensations around relatives whose behaviour shifts with alcohol—whether they become more relaxed or more aggressive. Setting boundaries can help maintain a peaceful atmosphere.
Tip 6: Sometimes It’s Best to Avoid
Despite the advice to always engage, share experiences, and connect, sometimes it’s best to avoid a conversation. As much as the whole personal growth industry will advise us to be honest, to share our experiences, to engage with family members, and despite all the pressure that comes with notions of ‘family’, sometimes it is okay to avoid, deflect, use humour (respectfully), even be obtuse or pretend not to hear… literally lying to get away, like… “OH dear I forgot that I had a THING I was supposed to do right now, outside!”
In some situations, these options are preferable. Do keep these up your sleeve as potential strategies for keeping the peace within and without.
Final Thought
By tuning into your inner signals, practising mindfulness, and setting boundaries, you can create a calmer, more connected holiday experience.
Prioritise your well-being as you navigate the season, and remember—peace begins within.
Enjoy a harmonious holiday season!
** I’ve taken some breathing lessons from a coach, and I prefer to just breathe through my nose.
Main – Photo by cottonbro studio
