Healing the Inner Child
Neuroscience research shows that the human brain has the innate capacity to adapt to changes in the body and/or the environment through implementing adaptive changes in the structure and function of the nervous system (neuronal plasticity) (Fuchs & Flügge, 2014). It has been established that childhood experiences create enduring neural pathways in the brain which influence the cognitive and emotional schemas required for constrictive and adaptive behaviour. Childhood experiences define the impulsive (unconscious) emotional reactions of the adult individual and the ways they cope with problematic situations in their everyday life. If the models acquired during childhood for emotional reactions, thinking and behaviour are negative, neuroplasticity allows their transformation through intentional work with the inner child (Reggie, 2023). Therapeutic work with the inner child is evidence-based approach to achieving lasting mental health (ibid).
Healing the Inner Child requires from the adult Self to find their Wounded Inner Child, to re-establish the connection to it, to validate the pain caused by adverse childhood experiences and to comprehend that despite everything in the past, the Self was able to cope and survive. Healing is an act of building trust in yourself and taking on the responsibility to care for your Inner Child, developing „safety procedures that do not defensively abort the very forces that can promote healing“ (Fosha, 2002). Healing takes place when the connection between the internal child archetype and the inner adult archetype is fully established (ibid). Healing takes place when the adult Self becomes the parent of their inner child and when they let the inner child manifest their bright, sunny core creating the psychological conditions for a leading fulfilling life as an adult (Stahl, 2021).
There are various techniques for self-help which can support healing the Wounded Inner Child.
Some psychotherapeutic practices use various techniques for dealing with childhood trauma as a powerful instrument to support and heal clients. For example, cognitive therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, schema-focused therapy, compassion-focused therapy, internal family systems therapy, ego-state therapy, gestalt therapy, etc. They aim at helping the client identify the reasons for the adverse childhood experiences, to interpret them in a new way so as to free themself from the non-adaptive emotional, mental and behavioural models which were built as a reaction to the trauma (Hestbech, 2018). There are techniques in hypnotherapy which include working with the inner child: inner child dialogue, inner child visualisation, inner child anchor, reparenting, аge regression, etc.
Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can also be applied to heal the Inner Child. No matter if the client comes with a concrete topic for an adverse childhood experience or they review childhood-related scenes during the session, there are steps for attending to the needs of the younger self and teaching them that they were enough and lovable back then, that they still are, and they always will be enough and lovable. RTT helps the client realize that the past events happened to them and not because of them and this helps them become free from any blame, shame or guilt they acquired in the past due to these events.
After a detailed discussion with the client and filling in the required questionnaire, it is time for the RTT session. It starts with a short guided relaxation which helps the client focus into their inner world. This inner focus allows the client to access all the relevant information related to their topic. With the help of the therapist, the client accesses their subconscious which is like a database, holding all the details of a person’s life: memories, thoughts, emotions, physical sensations.
Together with the therapist, the client has the opportunity to review three or more scenes from their past which are the root, the reason and the cause for what they are experiencing today. Following the RTT protocol, the therapist helps the client understand why they’ve been feeling the way they do, they are able to make the connections between past and present events. The client understands their own emotional logic – how their mind works, how they interpreted the situations they come across in the session and what meaning they attached to these events. The client has the freedom to express any feelings or emotions which have been suppressed for years. The client realises that their feelings were always valid, and that there was something outside of them (other people’s actions and behaviour) that caused them to acquire deep negative beliefs about themself. It was never about the client, it was about how other people treated them and how this made them feel on a continuous basis.
Most often, the inner child wound is about not being enough as you are, not feeling lovable or connected, and believing that you cannot have what you want or desire. Due to the multiple repetitions of similar situations, these negative beliefs tend to stick in your mind, they start forming world models on the basis of these false negative beliefs and then with time, your mind tries to prove that your initial assumption (not being enough, not being lovable, not being worthy) is true. You start telling yourself a story about who you are, what you are to expect from the people around you and from life in general. And the more time passes, the more your own actions and behaviours help you cement your own initial belief – that you are not worthy, not lovable or not enough. When the client reviews the scenes from the perspective of an adult, they are able to bust the myths about themself and move on. Guided by the therapist, the client weeds the garden of their mind in order to plant new seeds with exciting truths – that they are enough, lovable and worthy, that they have a place in this world and that they have so many skills and talents, and unique energy to share with the world.
The client is able to get rid of the old stuff, to timestamp the past events and leave them in the past in order to move on with the updated truth about themself: that they are indeed enough, lovable and worthy. This helps them start writing a better story – to start creating the life they truly want and deserve (Peer, 2022).
A Case From my RTT Practice
I’d like to share the case of just one client because we had two sessions and in each session, a different type of inner child came up: the abandoned child in the first session and then the guilty and the hopeless child in the second session.
For her first session, my client came to me because she was spending too much money on different kinds of stuff – accessories and clothes most of all, even though she didn’t really need them or like them that much. She wanted to stop shopping excessively and to save money to buy her own home and to travel more often.
When we started reviewing the scenes, several scenes came up when she was around 5 – 6 years old. She loved being with her family and she enjoyed their attention and company very much. But whenever her parents would go out with their friends without her, she felt completely rejected, abandoned and very lonely. She sometimes hid in the car so they would take her with them but they would get angry at her. She cried very often when they left without her. She was very sad because she felt abandoned, rejected, unwanted, like she was a burden. These scenes helped her realise that she had started feeling rejected when in fact she was loved and appreciated by her family. She realised that sometimes her parents simply wanted to have some time on their own but this did not mean they were abandoning or rejecting her. This didn’t mean they didn’t love her anymore. She realised that they have always been very supportive of her and the burden of feeling like a young abandoned child fell off her shoulders. After the session she reported that she felt lighter, she was in a very good mood and had stopped shopping excessively (when we looked specifically at the role of the excessive shopping was to help her not feel lonely because she was not in a relationship at the time and she wanted to have a good and stable partner in life). She even shared that she was often testing herself when going out but she rarely bought something and she only bought stuff when she actually needed them.
When she came for the second session several months later, my client said that she had been experiencing some difficulties at work. She had problems dealing with a partner at the firm. She had issues communicating with this person because my client lacked confidence, she felt that she was not able to express herself freely, she did not feel important or worthy enough to raise the issues she had noticed in their business. She was trying to deal with a deep feeling of guilt because she believed that things were going wrong only because of her.
When we dove into the scenes that came up, she realised that due to the way her family reacted to her from time to time, she had started feeling guilty from a very young age.
Once she had to study a poem by heart and she was failing to learn it fast enough. She had to read it too many times to be able to remember it well. This made her feel uncapable and dumb. Because her mother made this an issue, my client felt deep shame for not being smart enough or good enough in general. Her own mother criticised her and made her feel shameful and incapable of dealing with something as simple as learning a poem. My client felt angry with herself, hopeless and helpless because she could not learn it any faster.
On another occasion, she wanted to play with a friend who for some reason was not in the mood to play, so my client shut the door and locked the friend inside the house. But as soon as she did that, she started feeling deep guilt and shame and concluded that she was a very bad person and that what she did was very, very wrong. She felt totally rejected by her friend and did not think of a better way to express her frustration. Again, she felt helpless and her belief that she was not good enough was confirmed once again.
A couple more scenes came up where she felt unable to cope well or was unable to express what she truly wanted to say. People always seemed to shut her down and she lost confidence in saying what she wanted to express. These events left her feeling dumb, helpless and guilty for not being able to stand up for herself and to cope with stuff in general.
This feeling of deep shame and guilt that came up around age 5 had grown deep roots in her subconscious and was not allowing her to move on. We reframed the scenes, helping her realise that she was actually a very capable person. Through a beautiful visualisation she integrated the guilty and the helpless young aspects of herself. She realised that it would be best to take her time with the difficult tasks at hand, she remembered how many challenges she was able to overcome with her own skills. She realised that she was still lovable no matter how other people may respond or behave from time to time. She realised that they had their own reasons for their behaviour but she was not to blame.
Once we dealt with all these childhood-generated interpretations, she was free to feel worthy, capable and strong again. She gradually managed to part with the business partner by keeping the business intact. She became a successful and independent business owner with a team of people who are responsible and reliable. She created a place where everyone felt they belonged.
In the meantime, she met a wonderful man and things are going great with him as well. She is no longer feels or behaves like an abandoned, guilty or hopeless child – she is a successful adult who loves her life and is intentional about her future. She now has the family she dreamed of when we first started working together.
