When we’ve been on a fertility journey for months, years and sometimes decades, we can get to a point where we feel like we need our baby to come and finally save us. We sometimes get to the point that we see our baby as the only solution to whatever challenges we’re facing in our lives. Having a baby – slowly but surely – becomes what we need to survive on this planet, just like air and water – and it starts to bring fear (of survival) and stress into our lives because we don’t have it (yet). And, instead of desiring a baby, we tend to start to need a baby.
Whereas desire brings happiness and joy into our hearts, need creates fear and stress and that’s the most important thing I want to share with you – because this is the message that your mind and your body are receiving when you find yourself in this loop of thoughts. The main job of your mind and body – since the day you were born – is to keep you safe, to keep you away from pain, away from what you fear and what causes you stress. That’s why, every time you link having a baby to a survival need, you create fear and stress and push away your main desire without even noticing what’s happening.
It matters so much that you understand that because your body does react to fear and stress in very specific ways when it comes to fertility which is that if your body’s dealing with fear and stress, if it thinks you’re in danger because you might not have your basic needs met to survive on the planet, then it will directly impact your hormonal systems, thus your fertility body.
When on the other hand, you focus on your desire to have a baby, when you can close your eyes and feel what it’s going to be like, feel like, sound like, and how wonderful it will be to have your baby in your arms, you’re sending a message of serenity, joy and pure bliss to your mind and your body. You clearly tell it that it’s safe, that it’s good for you and that’s something that you really desire – just because it will feel so wonderful for you.
What’s also important to remember – now that you understand better how fear and stress can impact your fertility – is that conception is all about receiving: receiving a baby into your womb. As women, we were designed to receive, grow, and birth babies (and many other things!) to life. Our feminine expression of energy is receiving. As children, we all knew exactly how to receive – how to just be and receive. We all actually started our lives by receiving absolutely everything. We were all born amazing receivers and terrible givers, but for many of us, it didn’t last, and we started giving everything we have until we had nothing left – until we run dry.
We forgot we are made to desire. We forgot we were made to desire many things in our life. We forgot we were made to desire all of them at the same time and we forgot we were designed to receive, grow, and give life to absolutely anything we desire.
Some of us have made it so clear that we need a baby, that we forgot to desire anything else…
The biggest challenge on your journey has never been to desire many things at the same time, because you were created for that as a woman – you were created to nurture, bring to life and birth many desires through your lifetime. The challenge is to become clearer – every single day – that these are desires and not needs and that you are allowed to desire them all at the same time.
You can desire to have a baby and you can desire something else, and you can desire something else, and you can desire something else, and in your desires, you’ll find happiness. Because we are made of them and they bring joy and peace in our hearts. Because they can all coexist at the same time, evolve, come true, change, repeat themselves in a very healthy way – without having to choose between one or another – without guilt – but with happiness, serenity and faith.
Every day, you can refine the process of focusing on the things you desire, rather than the things you fear and that cause you stress.
To help you in this process of bringing lightness, happiness and joy back into your life, I’ve created a wonderful 10-min fertility meditation to welcome your baby into your womb, into your world, into your life and into your heart, to relax your mind and put yourself as a priority for a few minutes every single day. This will help you create greater awareness and balance around your thoughts, feelings and emotions.
You deserve to say yes to yourself more often, to learn again how to receive, to create space in your mind and in your heart for your baby, to make peace with anything that you went through and made you who you are today, to nurture, bring to life and birth many desires through your lifetime.
Main photo by Sven Mieke on Unsplash