Welcome, to Health & Wellbeing Magazine’s Spirit Keeper monthly column.  This is the place where you will discover tips and practices for creating, developing and maintaining a personalised self-care practice. 

If you are new to this month’s Spirit Keeper column, I recommend reading past articles to find out what a spirit keeper is and subjects already covered around self-care practices.

The northern hemisphere is moving towards spring, whilst the southern hemisphere is moving towards autumn.  Spring as a season is associated with new beginnings.  Autumn is associated with celebrating harvests and releasing that which no longer is needed.  Therefore, it is seemingly fit that in this month’s column, we are going to look at new beginnings which can result from releasing that which no longer nourishes or serves us.

To kick off this month’s column I wish to share a story on recognising, releasing and new beginnings. 

Elara lived in a garden overgrown with thorny vines. These weren’t ordinary vines; they were her worries, her self-doubt, the “shoulds” and “musts” that had wrapped themselves around her heartwood, choking the life out of her. Each vine bore sharp, glittering thorns – the barbs of past hurts, the sting of perceived failures, the fear of future unknowns. They whispered insidious lies, telling her she wasn’t good enough, strong enough, worthy enough. And Elara, for a long time, believed them.

Her garden, once vibrant and open, had become a tangled mess. The sun struggled to penetrate the dense foliage, and the flowers that dared to bloom were small and pale. Elara herself moved slowly, carefully navigating the thorny thicket, wincing with every scratch, every reminder of the pain she carried.

One day, a small, unassuming bird, a wren with a song like liquid sunshine, landed on a particularly vicious vine, one that whispered of a past mistake Elara couldn’t seem to forgive herself for. The wren, instead of flitting away in fear, began to peck at the vine, its tiny beak working tirelessly. It didn’t break the vine, but it loosened it, just a little.

Inspired by the wren’s persistence, Elara tentatively reached out and pulled at the loosened vine. It stung, it bled, but it gave way. And with it, a tiny sliver of sunlight pierced through the gloom.

That day, Elara didn’t clear the whole garden. She couldn’t. But she pulled another vine, and then another. Each one was a struggle, each one brought a pang of remembered pain. But with each vine she released, she felt a little lighter, a little freer.

She started to notice things she hadn’t seen in years. A ladybird crawling on a leaf, the intricate pattern of a spider’s web, the scent of damp earth after a light rain. The small, pale flowers began to look a little brighter, a little stronger.

The process was slow, painstaking. Some days, the thorns seemed sharper, the vines more entrenched. Doubt crept back, whispering that she was foolish to try, that she should just accept her thorny prison. But then she’d remember the wren, its unwavering persistence, and she’d pull another vine.

Seasons changed. The leaves of the thorny vines turned brittle and brown, easier to break. Elara’s hands became calloused, but her spirit grew stronger. She learned to distinguish between the whispers of the vines and the quiet voice of her own heart.

Finally, one day, she stood in the centre of her garden, bathed in warm sunlight. The thorny vines were gone. There were still scars, of course, marks left by the years of entanglement. But they were no longer wounds; they were reminders of her strength, her resilience.

Her garden was different now. It wasn’t perfectly manicured, it wasn’t pristine. It was wild and free, a little untamed, just like her. Flowers bloomed in riotous colours, reaching for the sun. And Elara, her heartwood finally free, bloomed with them. She had created space for new growth, for new experiences, for a new beginning. Her garden, and her life, were hers again.

11 Steps for Releasing & Embracing New Beginnings

Below I have listed the 11 steps I have recognised as being important for creating new beginnings in my life.  All the steps require a level of personal commitment to becoming aware of how you think, behave and receive.

Recognise 

The first step in transformation is the ability to recognise change needs to happen.  Many spiritual and self-help traditions talk about how our thoughts, thinking and beliefs impact our behaviours.  It is our behaviours (actions) which create our habits. 

The thing with habits is that very often they become stuck in a rut instead of evolving.  Certain habits become addictions and/or misperceptions which form the foundation of how we travel through life.  Therefore, the first step is to admit to and acknowledge one’s addictions (habits) and misperceptions in order to evaluate what needs to be released and transformed.

Recite

Many cultures acknowledge the power of verbalising that which needs to be transformed.  In the tradition I grew up in, it is called confession.  Acknowledge what narrative/story you are in. Confess where one is at out loud. Firstly, to yourself and secondly, to another who is willing to love you for who you are.

Depending on the severity of the situation causing you angst, my recommendations are:

• Severe: Join a 12 step programme or for counselling sessions with a trained counsellor, life coach or psychotherapist. 
• Moderate:  If you belong to a spiritual tradition where you can speak to a spiritual counsellor, this is also a good option.  Best friends are good for unburdening oneself to, however, remember that your unburdening may trigger a very personal response towards you which could affect your friendship. 
• Irritating:  The last option I can recommend is journalling in your diary / journal.  The important thing is to take ownership of your perception and behaviours around the situation causing you angst and writing about them is a way of unburdening yourself without involving another person.

Reflect

The ability to reflect is what makes humans unique.  Consider what narrative are you creating with your thoughts, thinking and words?  What have you learnt about your behaviours and actions in this experience?  What are your strengths and weaknesses?  What the strengths and weaknesses of other parties involved in the experience?  What can you love about yourself and the other?

The best way to reflect is using questions and journalling your answers in your diary and/or journal.   Writing down your answers to specific questions enables you to read back how you are thinking about a particular topic or experience.  You may note themes regularly appearing in what you write about and reflect on.  These themes offer you the opportunity to heal that which no longer serves you.

Repent

Repentance is a process of reviewing one’s actions, feeling regret or contrition for past or present wrongdoings, and committing to positive change.  More often than not it is associated with religion where it may involve confessing to God or a spiritual leader and seeking forgiveness.   

However, repentance can also be a secular concept, where individuals acknowledge their mistakes and strive to make amends and live more responsibly.  Repentance requires forgiveness to be part of the equation, whether it is forgiveness of the self, others or God. 

Repenting and forgiveness take ownership of personal errors of misperception and mental-emotional response to the situation.  For those who are not associated with any particular religion, my recommendation would be to journal, use forgiveness techniques, affirmative prayer, dancing prayer and processes like Ho’Oponono.

Release

Releasing involves letting go of the desire to be right.  Releasing involves letting go of the desire to control life 100%.  Releasing recognises there are many factors which contribute to a particular situation, some of which you have control over and many of which you don’t. 

Releasing as a healing process recognises that the one thing you do have total control over is how you respond mentally-emotionally and physically to the situation you find yourself in.   In metaphysics releasing encourages you to become a co-creator with the divine of your reality.  

There are many fabulous releasing processes available today in the self-help market. 

• Emotional Freedom Technique (“EFT”)
• Healing Codes by Alex Lloyd
• Ho’Ponono
• Mirror Work (intentions and affirmations)
• Sedona Method by Lestor Levenson
• The Script by Karol Truman
• The Work by Byron Katie
• Thought Field Therapy (“TFT”) by Dr Roger Callahan

Relax

Relaxation is a state of being free from tension and anxiety.  It is a process that reduces the effects of stress on your mind and body.  Letting go of the misperceptions, addictions, limiting beliefs and errors of judgment from the physical body in order to create new neural nets and behaviours.

Why is relaxation important?

Relaxation is essential for your overall well-being. It helps to:  

• Manage stress: Reduces the negative impacts of stress on your health.  
• Improve physical health: Can help with conditions like heart disease, pain, and sleep problems.  
• Enhance mental health: Boosts mood, concentration, and emotional resilience.  

Here is a breakdown of what that means and what happens when you relax:

• Physical changes:
  • Slower heart rate  
  • Lower blood pressure  
  • Slower breathing rate  
  • Reduced muscle tension

• Mental changes:
  • Calmer mind  
  • Improved focus  
  • Better mood  

How can you relax?

There are many ways to relax, and what works best varies from person to person. Here are some common techniques:  

• Deep breathing: Focusing on slow, deep breaths can calm your mind and body.  
• Progressive muscle relaxation: Tensing and releasing different muscle groups to reduce tension.  
• Visualization: Creating mental images of peaceful places or situations.  
• Mindfulness: Paying attention to the present moment without judgment.  
• Meditation: Practicing focused attention and awareness.  
• Yoga and Tai Chi: Combining physical postures with deep breathing and meditation.  
• Hobbies: Engaging in activities you enjoy, such as reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature.  

Remember:

• Relaxation is a skill that takes practice.  
• Find what works best for you and incorporate it into your routine.
• Even short periods of relaxation can be beneficial.

Reprogram

You do not see or hear the world as it is, you see and hear it as you are.  Therefore, when reprogramming your mindset it is important to focus on what you choose to become.  Reprogramming is essentially manifesting a new reality. 

Use techniques / tools which use:

Colour  –  vision boards, creative visualisation, journaling, tracking with graphs. 

Sound  –  neurolinguistic programming, hypnotic suggestions, subliminal recordings, positive affirmations.    

Movement    –  creating anchors by stretching, dancing, journaling and breathing techniques. 

Receive

Very often when we are doing inner work and have done our initial reprogramming we immediately set about to create a set of conditions in our imaginations of what and how this will be arriving.  However, as many people in personal development and business will tell you, it is a case of doing the work and then getting on with your day.  The best way to describe it in metaphysical terms is become the empty vessel and create a vacuum within your consciousness and relinquish desire for 100% control. 

What becomes important at this stage is to become the Observer.  Start noticing how the Universe begins talking to you through signposts.  These can be words in a song, a bird in nature, money on the street, a surprise call from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while, the desire to read a specific book etc.  Become aware of opportunities and metaphorical translations of challenges within your life and how it is helping you to become the characteristics of what you wish to receive.

Notice synchronicities, answers to small prayers, answers to questions posed in your journal, answers arising in your conscious mind through reading inspirational books. 

Repetition

Repetition is another word for compounding and practice.  Creating and developing a new habit takes practice.  You didn’t learn to walk or talk in a day, so when it comes to creating the mindset and behaviours of the new way of being you wish to embody, you will need to practice, practice, practice. 

Commit and develop the self-discipline to do the above steps daily after taking ownership of your own thinking and perceptions, embracing the shadow, relaxing the mind-body and using techniques to develop the characteristics and skills to become the change you wish to see in the world. 

Resonance

In metaphysical circles, “resonance” refers to a deep sense of connection or alignment with something. It suggests that the object, idea, or experience in question matches your own energy, beliefs, or understanding of the world.  Resonance is the metaphysical word for being authentic. 

Many sages from different traditions have stated your external life is a mirror of who you are internally (thoughts, thinking, emotional states and behaviours).  By choosing to embody different ways of being your life becomes the billboard of who you wish to be in the world.

Resonance is about living daily according to your highest values and making sure you are learning and resolving life’s love lessons as they arise.  Habitual thinking, emotional states and behaviours will keep you locked into states of being which keep you away from what you desire to be, do and have. 

Utilising the steps above daily you create a way of being, doing and having which is constantly evolving.  These steps enable you to create presence and resilience inwardly and outwardly.

Results

Very often we envy others within our sphere of social influence when they seemingly have ‘good luck’ in an area we are struggling with.  Or gasp at the miraculous recovery of someone who has been ill and yet we struggle to overcome a basic cold.

After many years of wishing my life was different, I attended Jack Canfield’s training where I was introduced to the success principles.  One of the exercises we had to undertake was the successes and challenges of my life.  Once I wrote out all the successes and challenges of my life through my perception, I was amazed to realise that I had as many successes as I had challenges.  The understanding I gained about life from doing that exercise really helped me to recognise that results I was wishing for had actually appeared in my life, but I had not the insight to recognise the results for what they were.

When I was looking at why I struggled to have loving relationships in my life, particularly with my family, I committed to doing a year-long coaching programme around the subject of self-worth and love.  There were several exercises I undertook to observe the results of my relationship history and again, what surprised me, is that the things I was searching for were already present in my life.  I just didn’t recognise them.

Both of these experiences taught me that results often do show up in ways we least expect.  When we have a rigid mindset of how the results will be, very often we miss the blessings of the results as they appear within our lives.

Behind all achievement of results lies the transformation of an inner world in mind, body and spirit.  The most obvious one most of us can relate to is finances.  If you are overspending what you earn, very simply you will be in debt and have the worry and stress of not being able to cope financially with life.  Learning to spend less than you earn and becoming a regular saver using wise strategies is just one way to financial freedom and managing life on your terms.

Another example is being fit and healthy versus poorly and overweight.  Those who are fit and healthy commit to daily regular exercise compared to those who are poorly and overweight.  That doesn’t mean someone who is fit and healthy won’t get ill, it is just they have a better chance of recovering quickly compared to someone who is not as fit or healthy.

To recognise and realise how results are showing up in your life create a journal where you write up the successes and challenges of your life either weekly or monthly after an initial ‘memory lane’ listing.  This way you can begin to observe how the Universe is talking to you and whether or not you are listening!

Conclusion

For new beginnings in your life, you need to commit to embodying the thinking and behaviours of the person who has the thing you wish to have in your life.  In terms of legacy, your presence and life story will inspire others to start their own healing and hero’s journey.  When you embody the thinking and behaviours of the change you wish to see and experience in the world, you become a spirit keeper and messenger.

One of the most important understandings Spirit Keepers have gained through their personal life experiences is life is both independent and interdependent.  Every new beginning they actively choose to embody creates the template in the field for another person seeking the way.

Monthly Research Project

Look up different techniques listed within this article and choose some to become part of your daily sacred self-care practices.

Next Month…

Amazing that next month is April and we are already 3 months into 2025.  In April the column will look at somatic descent and embodiment as a sacred self-care practice for Spirit Keepers.

Until next month. From one kindred spirit to another – be safe, be well, be authentically you.

In gratitude

Kathleen