Stuck In The Doing?

Anne-Marie Pereira
Written by Anne-Marie Pereira

Why Opening Up To Your Emotions Can Unlock Your Fertility Journey

Discover how embracing your emotions & balancing energies can unlock your fertility journey.

The Overwhelm Of Constant Doing

We live in a world that encourages us to do. Do the treatment, take the pill, follow the doctor’s orders. We think we need to keep pushing, keep doing more to solve our problems, especially when it comes to fertility. This mindset is something we’ve all been conditioned to adopt but what happens when the emotional part of us, the part that feels, is left unacknowledged, ignored or even feared?

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In my work with women, I always begin with an initial consultation to understand their unique journey. During one of these sessions, I spoke with a woman, much like many of you, who had followed all the doctor’s advice. She completed the treatments, took the pills and did what was expected. Beneath the surface, however, I could sense the emotional side of her, suppressed and yearning to be heard. She was caught in her masculine energy, focused on logic and action, yet something deeper within her was trying to break free.

1. The Fear Beneath Fertility Challenges

Fertility challenges often bring up deep fears, many of which go unspoken. These fears create tension, block energy and keep us in a cycle of doing without receiving. Let’s look at some common fears women face when navigating fertility:

  • Fear of not being able to get pregnant: “What if I can’t have children? What if it’s just not meant to be?”
  • Fear of miscarriage or losing the baby: “What if something goes wrong? What if I lose this baby too?”
  • Fear of IVF not working: “What if all this effort and money don’t lead to a baby?”
  • Fear of age: “Am I too old to have a baby? Is it too late for me?”
  • Fear of childbirth: “What will happen during labor? Will I be able to handle it? What if it’s more than I can manage?”
  • Fear of the emotional toll: “I feel overwhelmed, anxious and exhausted. Is this how it’s always going to be?”
  • Fear of hospitals: “The hospital environment feels so cold and clinical. It’s hard to connect with the emotional side of giving birth in a place like that.”
  • Fear of losing control of your body: “What if I can’t control what’s happening to my body? The idea of not being in charge is terrifying.”
  • Fear of being a bad parent: “Will I be good enough for this child? Am I ready?”
  • Fear of the baby: “What if I can’t handle motherhood? What if I don’t bond with my baby?”
  • Fear of the baby rejecting you: “What if, as my child gets older, we don’t have the connection I hope for? What if they pull away from me?”
  • Fear of judgment or stigma: “What will people think if they know we’re doing IVF or using donor eggs?”
  • Fear of abandonment from your partner: “Will the arrival of a child change the dynamic of our relationship? Will we grow apart?”
  • Fear of the baby interfering in your relationship: “Will balancing everything: being a mom, a partner and myself, be too much for us to handle?”
  • Fear of losing independence: “What will my life look like after becoming a mother?”
  • Fear of not loving the baby: “What if I don’t feel that instant connection with my baby? What if I can’t love them the way I’m supposed to?”

The Cycle Of Doing

When we experience fear, it’s natural to want to resolve the situation quickly. Our instinct is often to take action, to do something that will make us feel in control. This “doing” mode is familiar, whether it’s taking more medications, trying more treatments or pushing ourselves harder to make things work. We get caught in the cycle of doing because, in our minds, it feels like the solution.

The Disconnect Between Doing & Feeling

These fears are real and can feel paralysing. They often keep us locked in the masculine energy of doing, fixing and controlling. Here’s the catch: when we stay in “doing” mode, we often disconnect from the emotional side of ourselves, the part that is in need of healing. We turn to logic and structure, following the prescribed steps and expecting results. This approach works in some areas of life but when it comes to fertility, the emotional and energetic balance is just as important as the physical actions we take.

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To create space for new life, we have to first acknowledge and address these emotions.

2. Balancing Masculine & Feminine Energies For Fertility

We all carry both masculine and feminine energies. The masculine energy is about action, logic and getting things done. It focuses on achieving goals, structure and moving forward. The feminine energy, in contrast, is about receiving, feeling, nurturing and openness. It’s the energy of connection, surrender and creation.

In fertility, a baby needs both energies from both parents but especially the mother, who creates the primary space for life. To truly invite a baby into your life, you need to open up to receiving. It’s not enough to just follow the steps and “do” everything right. Fertility requires feeling, surrendering and letting go of the need for control.

The Over-Reliance On Masculine Energy

The masculine energy thrives on action and results but when we’re in fear, we over-rely on it. We focus on the next task, trying to fix and control, which can be draining. This constant doing can disconnect us from our bodies, leaving us emotionally exhausted.

When masculine energy dominates, we become overwhelmed, doing more but feeling less. This is where the shift happens. Fertility isn’t just about following the steps, it’s about balancing both energies.

Honouring The Feminine Energy For Fertility

The feminine energy, which nurtures, receives and feels, must be nurtured. To create space for fertility, we must honour this energy. A baby is drawn to the feminine space of love, openness and nurturing. To welcome new life, you need to create emotional and energetic space within yourself.

Photo from Canva

By nurturing your feminine energy, you allow space for a baby to come into your life. It’s about balancing the masculine “doing” with the feminine “receiving” to truly create room for fertility.

Uncovering Emotional Blocks In The Fertility Journey

Many of the women who come to me for support have already been through all the medical tests. Their doctors tell them that their results are fine. Sometimes there’s a mention of things like a low ovarian reserve or something that might potentially delay motherhood butthe cause of infertility remains unexplained. There’s no clear reason why pregnancy isn’t happening and there’s certainly no definitive answer from the medical side of things.

What I often see in these women, though, is something that goes beyond just the physical tests or numbers: a sense of contraction within the body. Even if these women are actively wanting to become pregnant, there’s often a deep, unconscious resistance to welcoming something new. It’s as though the body, on an emotional level, is closed off from the possibility of bringing new life into it. This contraction isn’t necessarily intentional, it’s often a result of fears, past emotional experiences or internal blocks that haven’t been addressed.

In our first conversations, I often notice this subtle resistance, this emotional closure. It’s not always obvious at first but it’s something we explore in greater depth during our sessions. What I’ve learned over time is that this contraction is a key part of the puzzle. Even if a woman consciously desires pregnancy, without emotional and energetic openness, the body simply doesn’t have the space for something new to come in. The body might want to protect itself from the potential of loss, disappointment or fear of the unknown.

This is where the work starts: understanding the underlying emotional blocks that might be preventing the body from fully embracing the possibility of pregnancy. The good news is that by addressing this, we can begin to open up that space, allowing the body to relax and create room for what it truly wants to welcome.

3. Embracing The Feminine & Opening Up To Feel

Opening up to feel requires vulnerability and trust. For many of us, the masculine energy has been so dominant in our lives that nurturing our feminine side doesn’t feel natural. We’ve been conditioned to focus on action, results and achieving goals, attaching our value to what we produce. This makes it harder to step back and simply be. This shift, toward nurturing and receiving, is something we need to consciously choose. It’s important to observe ourselves and understand if we’re relying too much on the masculine energy, especially when it comes to fertility.

Moving toward the feminine side doesn’t mean it will be easy or automatic. It may feel unfamiliar at first and that’s completely normal. Most of us are in this same boat, whether we’re facing fertility challenges or not. The key is in making the unfamiliar familiar. The more we practice allowing ourselves to feel, to rest and to nurture that feminine energy, the more it becomes part of us.

This is the dance of the masculine and feminine energies. As we nurture our feminine side, it becomes more natural and we grow more aligned with both energies. It’s a process and it’s okay if it feels awkward at first. The more we lean into it, the more it becomes a part of who we are.

Imagine You’re A Baby Seeking To Be Born

Take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of a baby, ready to be born. You are in a realm where you see potential mothers, each one offering different energies and different spaces. You’re seeking a mom who is ready to welcome you, not just through actions or the things she does but through the energy she creates around herself.

Now, imagine looking at one woman. You see a body that is contracted, tense and filled with fear, even if it’s not conscious and she may not be aware of it. She’s trapped in a cycle of “doing”, rushing from one task to another, focused on results, with no time to feel, to nurture or to simply be. The space around her is filled with urgency, with no room for stillness, no room for creativity, no room for love to flow freely. She’s caught in the masculine energy of “do-do-do” and as a baby, you can’t feel the welcoming, nurturing energy you need to grow.

On the other side, you see another woman. She’s still not perfect, no one is but she’s taking time for herself. She’s in touch with her emotions, creating space for the unknown, for the future. She’s nurturing the feminine energy of openness, feeling and surrender. Her mind, her body, her environment, all are welcoming and inviting. She’s creating room for you, not just physically but energetically, emotionally and spiritually. She is in the flow of life, ready to receive you. She is present.

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Now, imagine that you are the baby, looking for a home to be born into.

Reflect & Make Space For New Life

Ask yourself: Am I creating this opportunity in my life?

Am I being welcoming to the new life I want to bring in?

Am I nurturing the energy that will invite a baby into my world?

Take a few minutes now to reflect on these questions. Grab a piece of paper and write down your thoughts. Writing is powerful, it can help you process your feelings and may even lead to a breakthrough that could change everything on your fertility journey.

Reflect deeply on these questions, because the energy we create, both within and around us, is what makes space for new life to come in.

You may fear what’s buried deep inside. You might fear feeling too much but remember, the key to opening up to your feminine energy is to stop avoiding it. Instead of blocking it out, invite it in. It’s through this openness that real transformation happens.

Moving Forward With Balance

Healing your fertility isn’t just about following medical advice or ticking off checkboxes. It’s about finding harmony between the masculine and feminine energies within you. While the masculine energy drives action, the feminine energy invites the space for receiving, nurturing and feeling. Learning to balance these energies allows you to not only “do” but also be. It’s through this shift that you create a powerful, welcoming space for fertility to truly thrive.

If you’re struggling to find that balance, know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether through simple practices like journaling, self-reflection or embracing moments of rest or through the support of personalized guidance, balancing both your masculine and feminine energies is key to unlocking the life you wish to create.

Let’s explore your reflections together.

Take a moment to reflect on the questions in the article and write down your thoughts. Afterward, I’d love to help you deepen this reflection and create space for the transformation you’re seeking.

Photo by Tomas Tuma on Unsplash

Reach out for a free consultation and together, we’ll explore how to move forward on your fertility journey.


Main – Photo by Tomas Tuma on Unsplash