Reclaiming Our Inner Balance
Imagine a bustling, vibrant river ebbing and flowing, its waters moving seamlessly around boulders and bends. This is how our nervous system is supposed to function—flowing with ease, adapting to life’s natural currents.
However, when we lack the capacity to self-regulate, it’s as if a giant dam has been built, blocking the river’s natural course and creating so much turbulence and overflow in all directions. Our emotions, breathing, heart rate, digestion, and sleep all rely on our ability to regulate ourselves, yet so many of us struggle deeply, feeling overwhelmed by stress, anxiety, and repressed emotions.
The Roots of Self-Regulation
From the moment we enter this world, we rely on caregivers to soothe us. A baby fusses and cries, expressing its needs with a healthy form of aggression. When a caregiver responds with warmth and attunement, the baby learns that distress can be managed. However, if this soothing is absent or inconsistent, the infant may struggle to develop the ability to self-regulate, leading to a lifetime of difficulty managing emotions and stress.
Like a tree needs strong roots to weather storms, we need a solid foundation of emotional support to develop resilience. When our core needs remain unmet, we often turn to external means of regulation—smoking, overeating, excessive screen time, or substance abuse—to manage our emotions. These are temporary fixes, like putting a bandage on a broken arm, often causing more issues than they solve without addressing the deeper problem.
The Power of Somatic Mindfulness
One of the most effective ways to rebuild our capacity for self-regulation is through somatic mindfulness—a practice of focusing on bodily sensations, emotions, and thoughts without pushing them away.
Think of your emotions as waves in the ocean.
Some are small ripples, while others rise into towering swells. Instead of trying to stop the waves or run from them, self-regulation teaches us how to surf them, staying present and grounded in our bodies. When we learn to understand and manage our emotions, we cultivate inner stability, allowing us to move through life’s challenges with an unwavering foundation.
Reconnecting with Aliveness
Underneath it all, at the core of our being, we all crave the same thing—a deep, unshakable feeling of being alive and connected. But when we experience pain, trauma, or unmet needs, we often disconnect, numbing ourselves to avoid any more suffering. This disconnection is like a lantern whose flame has dimmed; the light is still there, but it needs fuel to burn brightly again.
Reconnecting with our emotions means allowing ourselves to feel without fear or judgment. Instead of suppressing anger, sadness, or fear, we can observe these emotions, ask what they’re trying to tell us, learn from them, and release them in a healthy way. Just as the earth needs storms to cleanse and renew, our emotional landscape requires expression to stay balanced.
A Simple Practice for Self-Regulation
To begin cultivating self-regulation, try this simple exercise:
- Recall a Happy Memory: Close your eyes and choose a time when you felt truly joyful. Connect to all your senses—what did you see, hear, smell, and feel in that moment?
- Feel It in Your Body: Notice how your body responds to this memory. Does your chest feel lighter? Does warmth spread through you? Allow yourself to fully experience this sensation.
- Anchor the Feeling: Take a deep breath and let this sense of peace settle into your body. The more you practise, the easier it becomes to return to this state in times of stress.
Flowing Back to Ourselves
Self-regulation is not about controlling or suppressing emotions but about learning to navigate them with ease instead of being hijacked by them. Like a seasoned sailor adjusting their sails to the wind, we can learn to move with our emotions rather than against them.
Through mindfulness, emotional awareness, and somatic practices, we can restore our inner balance, allowing our life force to flow freely once more—like a river returning to its course, flowing effortlessly towards the vast, open sea.
Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash
