What It Is, How to Spot It, & Why We Do It
Let’s talk about self-sabotage. You know, that sneaky little habit where you seem to work against your own goals without even realising it. Ever wondered why, just when things start to go right, you suddenly hit the brakes? Maybe it’s skipping out on that important deadline or putting off the gym “just one more day.”
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? It’s like your mind has a hidden agenda, pulling you in the opposite direction of what you actually want. That’s self-sabotage in action.
But why do we do it?
The triggers behind self-sabotage are often rooted in fear—fear of failure, fear of success, or sometimes even the fear of change. Yes, change can be just as scary as staying stuck. Think about it: when we succeed, there’s pressure to keep succeeding. It’s easier, sometimes, to stay in your comfort zone, even if it means standing in your own way. If you’ve ever found yourself procrastinating when a major opportunity comes up or avoiding a challenge because it feels “too big,” that’s your subconscious pulling the strings.
Here’s where it gets even trickier. Self-sabotage isn’t always obvious. It can come disguised as overthinking, perfectionism, or being “too busy.”
Perfectionism, for instance, feels like a good thing at first, right?
After all, you want to do your best. But when you’re obsessing over every tiny detail, avoiding starting a project because it might not be flawless, you’re actually stopping yourself from making any progress at all. The end result? You’re stuck, yet again, in that frustrating cycle of not moving forward.
The most slippery aspect of self-sabotage is how familiar it feels. It’s comfortable. Let’s say you’ve always struggled with your self-worth. You might actually fear success because deep down, you don’t believe you deserve it. So, unconsciously, you keep setting yourself up for failure to stay in that “safe” space. This isn’t logical, but it’s emotional, and emotions can often override logic when left unchecked.
Identifying these habits takes some self-reflection.
Ask yourself: when do I tend to pull back or make excuses? Is it when I’m getting close to achieving something important? Do I avoid things I know I want because they feel intimidating?Sometimes, it’s as subtle as feeling restless when you’re finally on the path to success. You might start creating drama in relationships, get “too busy” to focus, or even convince yourself that your goals aren’t that important after all.
A unique take on self-sabotage is that, in some ways, it’s self-protection. It’s your mind trying to shield you from what it perceives as danger—failure, judgment, vulnerability.
But here’s the twist: the danger isn’t real. The “what ifs” that flood your brain aren’t factual; they’re fear in disguise. In a way, self-sabotage is like a defense mechanism gone rogue.
It’s protecting you from the wrong things.
The triggers behind self-sabotage often stem from past experiences—maybe someone criticised you harshly when you were younger, or you had a big failure that left a mark. Now, even though you’re older and wiser, those old wounds can still push you to avoid risk, even if the risk is getting what you really want.
The good news? Once you recognise the pattern, you can break it. It starts with awareness and asking yourself some tough questions. What are you really afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if you tried and failed? Or, if you tried and succeeded?
So, if you find yourself in a loop of self-sabotage, it’s time to call it out for what it is—an outdated habit, a false sense of safety. Push through, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Because guess what?
That discomfort is the sign you’re on the verge of something new, something better, and yes, something a little scary. But that’s where growth happens.
Main – Photo by RF._.studio
