…of Pregnancy After Loss & How to Overcome Fear & Reconnecting with Your Pregnancy.
Pregnancy should be a time of joy and anticipation, but for many women—myself included—it will never be ‘it’. For us, it is this constant battle between wanting to enjoy the pregnancy and being terrified to fully trust it. It is a time filled with fear, doubt, and emotional scars.
After experiencing five losses, including one miscarriage, one chemical pregnancy and multiple ectopic pregnancies, I know firsthand how hard it can be to allow yourself to fully embrace a pregnancy.
It’s this horrible contradiction—finally having what you’ve been dreaming of for months or even years, and yet when it actually happens, you find yourself unable to enjoy it.
Instead of feeling joy, you’re consumed by fear, unable to connect with the pregnancy, constantly bracing yourself for the worst.
It’s as if the reality of your dream has come with a heavy weight of uncertainty, and what should be a time of celebration feels like an emotional rollercoaster you can’t escape and continues way past the conception journey…
If you are pregnant after loss(es) or are dreading perhaps pregnancy after a/multiple loss(es), you know this is never going to be like that first time or like it’s described in the books and movies!
The sad reality is that for us, you may or will be feeling a range of emotions—excitement, yes or maybe hope, but most probably anxiety or panic once you see the positive test, your past experiences rushing back, and fear.
It’s a cycle that feels endless—the constant checking, scanning, and over-analysing every symptom, comparing them to previous pregnancies. You find yourself obsessively taking trips to the bathroom, checking to see if the line on the pregnancy test is still there (def not reliable!). You schedule endless scans, hoping for reassurance, and yet, no matter how many you do, the fear doesn’t fully go away. Sure, the 12-week scan might bring some relief, but then the question lingers—what if? When does it get easier? At what point do you allow yourself to feel safe enough to tell people, to start projecting the hope and excitement you’re holding back? You might even feel a sense of disconnect from your baby. The truth is, you’re protecting yourself from more hurt by keeping your emotions at arm’s length.
I’ve been there, & I want you to know that it’s okay to feel this way!
It doesn’t make you any less of a mother or less deserving of the love you’re already nurturing for your baby. I am here to say that reconnecting with your pregnancy and overcoming the fear is not easy, but it’s possible. It’s not about pretending everything will be perfect or filled with constant joy, but about carrying both your grief and your fear, while still allowing space for hope. Allow yourself to also live this pregnancy, to celebrate each small milestone, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
Below are some steps that helped me—and could help others—along the journey toward healing and reconnection. These steps are not about “fixing” the fear or grief instantly, but about gently allowing yourself to live through both, slowly building the trust and connection needed to truly experience the beauty of the pregnancy.
1. Process the Past Trauma & Triggers
Healing after loss is never a straightforward process. Confronting and processing past trauma and experiences is key to moving forward. For me, it was about gently addressing the triggers that would spark fear—whether it was a certain date, a medical procedure, words or even an image. I worked through these triggers with EFT therapy, journaling, and lots of self-compassion. By acknowledging what had happened and removing the emotional charge, I could truly begin to let go of its grip on my present. It made a huge difference for me.
2. Acknowledge & Honour Your Feelings
You’ve experienced loss and maybe also months or years of infertility battle. That’s real, and it matters. You are allowed to feel whatever emotions that come up—whether it’s fear, grief, anxiety, or even numbness. Acknowledge them, give them space, and honor the process of healing. I found that allowing myself to truly feel those emotions without judgment was crucial. You are not weak or less of a mother for feeling scared or disconnected at times. In fact, it’s a testament to how much you care. When I allowed myself to sit with the fear, instead of avoiding or suppressing it, and stopped seeing emotions like my enemies, it lost some of its power over time. It is about honouring and accepting those emotions and know that they will come and go and some day will be easier than others.
3. Honour Your Losses
Your losses are a part of your story. I found that honouring them throughout my pregnancy was crucial to healing. This wasn’t about dwelling in grief, but acknowledging it, remembering my babies, and carrying them in my heart while I allowed myself to embrace the pregnancy. I would write letters to my lost babies, telling them how much I missed them and how grateful I was for the time I had with them. By making space for both grief and hope, I was able to move forward in a way that felt authentic. This will look different from a woman to another.
4. Set Boundaries with People & Information
Pregnancy after loss often comes with well-meaning advice and unasked-for opinions. I learned to set clear boundaries around what I allowed into my space. Whether it was limiting the number of scans I did, deciding not to share every detail with others, or avoiding negative content, I protected myself by choosing what felt safe. Trust your instincts—if something or someone feels overwhelming or unhelpful, it’s okay to step back.
5. Shift Your Focus & Mindset: From Negative Thoughts to “What Ifs”
When fear takes over, negative thoughts can spiral…
What if something goes wrong?
What if it ends in another loss?
Instead of letting those fears control me, I chose to reframe them when they popped up.
What if this baby is meant to stay?
What if I can trust my body to carry this baby to term?
What if I try to go day by day…
Shifting my focus wasn’t always easy, but it kept me present—grounded in this pregnancy, this baby, this moment.
6. Celebrate Small Milestones & Moments of Joy
The fear may not fully subside, but there is room for joy, even in small doses. Celebrate each milestone—even the ones that might seem insignificant to others. Whether it’s getting past the 6th, 7th, or 8th week, practising self-care, or simply making it through the day with fewer anxious thoughts, these are moments worth celebrating. I used to mark my progress in my journal, writing down anything that felt like a win. Slowly, these small moments of celebration helped me reconnect to the beauty of my pregnancy.
7. Spend Time Living in the Moment
One of the hardest things after loss is letting go of the “what ifs” and living in the present. Maybe set aside time each day to truly be present with your feelings without letting them take over your day. I created a more mindful routine to help me be more present and calm—I would start my day with a visualisation or breathing session or guided meditation. During the day, maybe it was a walk, just enjoying a moment of calm, meeting a friend, going shopping—basically, some normality rather than staying in my head. I would enjoy a hypnosis recording with a beautiful visualisation before going to bed and a moment to connect with my baby. This helped me reframe my day from fear and anxiety to moments of mindfulness and hope.
8. Rituals of Connection with Your Baby
One of the most healing practices I embraced during my pregnancy was creating rituals to connect with my baby. Over time, with patience and consistency, I learned how to sense the presence of my babies in spirit—the ones I lost, with whom I still share a bond, and at the time, my daughter, who was growing inside me and with whom I started connecting years before.
I have come to understand that sometimes, the babies we lost may come back. It simply wasn’t their time yet. Other times, the babies we lost may not have been meant to come to earth for various reasons which we would have agreed upon as souls prior to incarnating. But that doesn’t mean we cannot connect with them.
Whether through gentle conversations, playing soothing music, or visualisations, these rituals helped me build a connection with my baby in a way that felt deeply meaningful. At times, I visualised my baby in the future growing strong and healthy, imagining the small steps we would take together. Other times, through meditation, I would go into my safe space and connect with my baby in spirit—asking questions, listening for their messages, and learning how we could communicate.
Even on the days when it was hard, I made it a priority to sit quietly, hand on my belly, simply talking to my baby. That simple act of presence, of showing up for them, allowed me to feel a deeper connection, even when fear crept in. It wasn’t about forcing joy or pretending everything was perfect; it was about creating space for love, presence, and connection in a way that honoured both the hope of my pregnancy and the memories of the babies I had lost. Because no matter what would happen, the love was already there, and this connection would remain.
9. Use Hypnotherapy to Reprogram Trust in Your Body
I’ll be honest—rebuilding trust in my body after repeated losses was one of the hardest things to do. That’s where hypnotherapy came in. By using guided sessions, I was able to reprogram my subconscious mind, shifting from a place of fear to one of trust. This process helped me feel more confident in my body’s ability to nurture and protect the pregnancy. Hypnotherapy gave me the tools to feel grounded in my body again, shifting my mindset from fear of loss to confidence in the future.
10. Self-Love & Self-Compassion Rituals
Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is crucial during this time. Self-care and self-love will look different for each of you. Maybe start your day with a check-in and ask yourself: What does my body and mind need today to feel loved and nourished?
Some self-love & self-compassion rituals to help nurture your mind & body:
Affirmations
Start each day by affirming your worthiness and strength. Simple phrases like “I am worthy of love and motherhood,” “I trust my body to carry this pregnancy,” or “I am deserving of joy, peace, and connection” can help reframe negative thoughts.
Gentle Touch
Spend time connecting with your body through touch. This might include placing your hands on your belly or massaging your body with your favourite oil or lotion. As you do, focus on feelings of love, warmth, and acceptance for yourself and your baby.
Nourish Your Body & Mind
Take time to nourish yourself—whether it’s eating nourishing foods, taking a warm bath, or resting. Treat your body with the same kindness you would offer to a loved one.
Spend Time in Nature
Connect with the earth by spending time in nature—whether it’s a walk in the park, a stroll along the beach, or just sitting outside. Nature has a grounding, healing energy that can help restore calm and remind you of life’s cycles, bringing peace and balance to your emotional state.
Practice Ho’oponopono
Ho’oponopono is a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation. It involves repeating the phrases “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” This practice can be directed towards yourself, your baby, or any past pain or loss. It’s a powerful way to release guilt, fear, and negative emotions, allowing space for healing and love.
Reconnecting with your pregnancy after loss isn’t about pushing away the fear and grief—it’s about learning how to live alongside them. It’s about creating rituals that honor both your pain and your hope. It’s about trusting that even though the journey is filled with uncertainty, you are deserving of this pregnancy, and you are allowed to feel joy in the moments that come.
Through self-compassion, connection, mindset shifts, & healing, I believe that you can find your way back to peace, & you can find joy again in this beautiful journey.
You are not alone.
Main – Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich
