When speaking to people about authentic confidence, I like to get them to think of it as having a strong core sense of identity. Knowing who you are and being connected to who you are is the foundation of being authentically and unashamedly you, which is the basis of confidence. Getting to know ourselves isn’t always an easy road but the benefits of self-connection, including confidence, personal resilience, and a level of wellbeing, are ultimately worth it.
This means that authentic confidence comes from within which seems to directly go against all the messages we are given about confidence. The marketing of clothing, aftershave, hair and beauty products, and experiences would lead us to believe that confidence can be bought. If only this were true. Confidence must be grown, nurtured, practiced, and refined, peeling off one layer at a time until we reach the core of what makes us unique.
There are four ways we can start that journey of self-connection and begin to uncover who we are. These are self-care, self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-empowerment, and I’m going to give you a little taste of what each of these involve and some questions you can ask yourself to dig a little deeper into what they mean for you and how you might start to use them to build your authentic confidence.
#1 Self-care
When we think about self-care, we often jump straight to the little luxuries in life like spa days and prosecco lunches, and getting our nails done but, while these are lovely if you have the time and finances, they are not self-care to me. Self-care lies in the little everyday things we do to keep our bodies and minds nourished and healthy. Self-care is important for confidence because it determines our energy levels and how much we value ourselves; self-care is not selfish, it’s an investment in you.
Questions to ask yourself around self-care for confidence building: How do I currently look after my physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing? What works for me and what doesn’t? What more or what else could I do that will help me take care of myself in a healthy way? What part of self-care might I need help with? Who can help me with this (GP, personal trainer, coach, counsellor, or therapist, etc.)?
#2 Self-awareness
Self-awareness is about consciously understanding why we do the things we do, how they make us feel, and whether they align to who we are or who we want to be. Personal values play a huge part of self-awareness as they determine a lot of our decision making whether we recognise that or not. Self-awareness is important for confidence because once we recognise what our values are and how they play out in our lives we can start to move to live more in alignment with them.
Questions to ask yourself around self-awareness for confidence building: What is important to me in my life and why? Do I prioritise these things and if not, why not? How can I spend more time in alignment with my personal core values? How can I put boundaries in place for the things that do not align to my personal core values? What do my core values say about who I am? Is this the version of me that the world sees?
#3 Self-acceptance
As you can probably see, we’re already starting to build bit of a picture of who we are by understanding how we take care of ourselves and what makes us tick. The next step is to look at our unique combination of skills and experiences, to recognise what our strengths are, and to find self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is important for confidence because once we can see what we have to offer, we can learn to let ourselves shine in the right situations.
Questions to ask yourself around self-acceptance for confidence building: What am I good at? What am I interested in? What is unique about me and how have those things influenced my life? What do other people say are my strong points? Where will my strengths be valuable? How can I make the most of the skills that I have? How can I use my experiences to help others? How do I celebrate my skills and strengths?
#4 Self-empowerment
The final of the four is self-empowerment which is all about having the courage to move forward even when taking action feels scary and overwhelming. The key to success in this area is small, slow, consistent progress; it’s not about radically changing your life overnight or pushing yourself so hard that you crumble. Self-empowerment is important for confidence because each step forward we take reminds us of what we can do and encourages us to keep moving.
Questions to ask yourself around self-empowerment for confidence building: Where am I going or what am I working towards? What are some of the key big goals I want to achieve in life? What steps do I need to take to be able to achieve my goals? How can I break those actions down even further? What little thing can I do everyday to help me get to where I want to go? How can I encourage myself to keep going? Who can help to keep me accountable?
If you feel you would benefit from some coaching support to help you develop your self-connection and increase your confidence, please feel free to email me on gemma@iamconnected.co.uk and we can arrange to chat further.
Main photo by Sai Maddali on Unsplash
