Depleted and tired—so, so tired—I leaned against the wall of the staircase I had just slogged up, staring at the next set of stairs leading to the room I was trying to reach. I was forced to pause.
I felt angry with my constant long Covid companion: breathlessness, exhaustion, and brain fog. Upset and defeated, I wanted to give up on the stairs.
In that enforced pause, I recalled something someone had shared with me: when it is darkest, and even when you are walking through hell, there is light. Hold onto hope and just keep walking, one step at a time.
In the dark depths of nigredo, the blackening alchemical experience, I had found it difficult to take in a message about light and hope. And yet, pausing on the staircase, I recalled that message. It reminded me of my own inner strength & trust in myself.
A spark of something flared.
One stuttering step at a time, I slowly made my way up the stairs. That was a year ago. This week, I walked up two long escalators on the Tube without stopping.
In personal growth, transformation, and recovery, we talk a lot about the journey. We focus on aspirations and outcomes—the end goal. But we don’t talk enough about the struggle, the days when everything feels hard, and hope seems so very far from reality.
Here, I share five reflections from my own process of becoming:
- Stop comparing
- Invoke compassion
- Practice No!
- Practice gratitude
- Cocoon
1. Stop Comparing
The hardest part of my recovery was accepting that who I am now, is not who I used to be. Focusing on what I couldn’t do set me back. Comparing my progress to others was depressing.
Instead, focus on the present moment, aware of what capacity you have in each moment or each day, and allow your body to speak and let you know what the art of the possible might be. Each of us travels an individual path; wandering and weaving through the brambles is as important as crossing the finish line. Success comes from embracing your talents and allowing them to shine – we each have a unique purpose.
Sometimes, the gift of a sofa day might be the most important thing of all!
2. Invoke Compassion
Coulda shoulda woulda…3 of the most pernicious words. Set your inner perfectionist and task setter free. Be your own best friend and offer yourself the kindness your mind and body have been missing. Offer yourself compassion as you would to another – your compassion is incomplete if it does not include yourself.
No one performs at their best under the weight of their own critical lens, created from the gift of all the doubting Thomases and Thomasinas we have met.
Listen to how your body is communicating, after all, it is speaking loudly! After all, Compassion can help you live longer, and kindness gives you a healthier heart[1].
3. Practice No!
Success is built on excellence, and mastery supports that. The master musician hones their craft with deliberate practice, and relentless focus to find flow in their performance. Most world class musicians specialise in a single instrument. It is easier to focus relentlessly and master one thing, rather than attempt to master many…
Determine what matters, and practice saying no to the rest. Your time and energy are valuable – reframe your No! as a boundary to protect your flow.
And if you are healing or overwhelmed, managing limited energy, No! protects you from the crashing and burn cycle of relentless over-achievement.
4. Practice Gratitude
Reflect on three things each day to be grateful for. if you can write them down, then even better!
Gratitude not only makes you feel happier, it boosts your immunity and heart health by calming your parasympathetic nervous system, to support digestion and relaxation[2]. These things also helps remind us of the social glue and strengthen our social connections with our families, friends and communities[3].
Practising gratitude isn’t easy when we are deep in the depths, and some days, just one might be enough. Sofas have received a lot of my gratitude of late. And soft comfy blankets.
5. Cocooning
What if, instead of constantly pushing ourselves, we appreciated the art of cocooning.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecclesiastes, King James Bible, 1611
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.”
Consider which phase you are in, and what qualities of cocooning might be needed that you can immerse yourself in within your cocoon, to emerge in your spring, a full-fledged butterfly.
The journey of becoming is never linear; it is filled with moments of struggle, growth, and reflection. By embracing practices like compassion, gratitude, and the courage to cocoon when needed, we honour the process of transformation. Each step—however small—carries us forward. So, as you navigate your own journey, remember to hold onto hope, trust in your inner strength, and take it one step at a time.
The light you seek is often found within.
Sources
[1] https://hbr.org/2023/02/leading-with-compassion-has-research-backed-benefits
[2] https://www.mindful.org/the-science-of-gratitude/#:~:text=Research%20published%20in%20the%20last,to%20two%20other%20control%20groups.
[3] https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf
Main – Photo by Pixabay
