Struggling to let go of an unwanted habit?
Maybe you want to quit smoking, nail biting, overeating junk foods or something else entirely?
The good news is, breaking unwanted habits doesn’t have to be an uphill battle.
In fact, breaking unwanted habits can be easy when you understand how they work!
I’ve worked with many clients helping them to break Unwanted Habits and below I will share some effective tips and information that you can use and learn from.
Positive Intentions
There is a saying in the world of NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) that “Behind every behaviour, there is a positive intention”. This is a valuable phrase to be aware of because this also includes our unwanted habits!
This means that your habit is attempting to serve a positive purpose in your life, whether you’re aware of it or not.
For example, a person with a hair-pulling habit may notice that the habit worsens in certain situations, such as when they’re stressed or under pressure.
In the above case, the positive intention behind the hair-pulling habit is actually one of self-soothing to relieve the person’s stress!
So, a good question to ask yourself is the following: “What positive purpose is this habit trying to serve in my life?
The answers you receive can be insightful and more importantly, will allow you to find new, positive ways to fulfil the positive intention of the unwanted habit. (You may be surprised at the answers you receive!).
How habits are formed
All habits, skills and behaviours are learned through repetition. Think of a small child learning how to walk, read, write or tie their shoes. Now, think of an adult learning how to drive a car, play a new sport or a musical instrument.
The above skills are difficult when we first start learning them and require practice and repetition to improve.
However, after a certain amount of repetition, your Unconscious Mind (the part of your mind responsible for running behaviours and habits) recognises certain behaviours or skills as important.
It will then “take over” the job of running those behaviours or skills and run them automatically for you. (This is similar to installing programs on a computer)
This means, you don’t even have to think about doing them, you just simply do them!
This also explains why people can feel like they have no control over their habit, almost as if a different part of them is in control of the habit. In a sense, this is true because the habit “program” is being run by the Unconscious Mind.
Interrupting Habit Patterns
A great way to weaken a habit is by interrupting the habit pattern either before it begins or during it. For habits like smoking or eating junk foods, a strong craving is usually the signal to carry out the habit so overcoming the craving is a key step to avoid doing so.
One easy way to do this is by shifting your breathing to a deep breathing pattern.
When cravings strike, we tend to experience physiological shifts in the body (similar to the “fight or flight” response) such as shallower chest breathing and elevated heart rate.
Deep breathing can greatly reduce cravings by calming the mind and body as well as weakening the habit pattern in the brain by interrupting it when it occurs.
An easy and effective breathing exercise is “7 – 11 breathing”.
This exercise is just as easy as it sounds; simply breathe in for a count of 7, then breathe out for a count of 11.
If you find it difficult to lengthen your breaths for this long, you can reduce the counts instead; for example, breath in for 3, breathe out for 7.
The most important elements are:
1. Breathing deeply from the diaphragm
2. Ensuring the exhale lasts longer than the inhale.
Simply repeat this process until the cravings and/or compulsion to do the habit pass. The more you do this, the weaker the habit cravings and/or compulsions will become as the feelings of calm and relaxation from the deep breathing, start to become “linked” to the old habit pathway in the brain.
This happens because “Neurons that fire together, wire together”.
Energy Flows where Attention goes
Oftentimes, people struggling with an Unwanted Habit tend to focus on it. However, it’s important to realise that the act of focusing on something (even if it’s something we don’t want!) can actually reinforce it in the mind making it more likely to occur!
For example, a person constantly thinking about their habit of eating junk food is constantly reminding themselves about how much of an issue it is for them and engraining the issue further into the mind! This makes cravings and ultimately, eating junk food, much more likely. This person would be much better served focusing on their new goals instead, such as eating healthier foods.
This shift of focus from problem to solution re-directs attention away from the habit, weakening the habit and reinforcing the new, positive goal in its place.
The “HALTS of Life”
When dealing with an Unwanted Habit, it’s wise to “stack the deck” in your favour.
For example, we’re more likely to engage in Unwanted Habits or behaviours when we’re feeling:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired or
Stressed.
These are known as the “HALTS of Life” and each of the above feelings affects our willpower which can make us more likely to engage in an Unwanted Habit or behaviour.
To minimise the “HALTS” above, it’s important to set yourself up for success each day by ensuring you get a good night’s sleep, healthy meals, reduce stress levels, regularly connect with family and friends etc.
Being aware of your habit triggers is also helpful so you can plan accordingly and have tools to overcome the triggers when you encounter them. (Such as the “7 – 11” breathing exercise mentioned above).
Final Thoughts
The first steps in any kind of personal change are awareness and the desire to change.
By reading the above tips, I hope you have a greater awareness of how habits work and how you can take your next steps towards overcoming them.
Also, be sure to remind yourself of the benefits you’ll receive when you break the habit.
Imagine how much fitter and healthier you’ll feel when you stop overeating junk foods?
Or all the extra money you’ll save when you quit smoking, along with improved health? Use these benefits as motivators to bring you closer towards breaking that unwanted habit and living a happier, healthier life.
Main photo by Andres Ayrton.
