The Power of No
“The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become”
~ Charles du Bos
Change is hard. We all want it, and yet we mostly resist it. Whether you call it the process of personal transformation, the desire to become whole, or even delving into the depths of spiritual development, change is something we all talk about, and that most desire. And yet, despite life being in a constant state of flux, the dirty secret is that change is hard, and most of us resist it.
Newton’s rule on inertia states that an object will resist changes in its motion, and that it takes a larger force to act on that object to create acceleration. So even the laws of physics describe universal resistance to change! An old teacher of mine, Rod Stryker was pithier. He noted that we don’t change unless the pain of not changing exceeds the pain of change. We resist change until it hurts so much that we’re forced to change!
What if, instead of resisting, we leaned into resistance to determine and interrogate what lies beneath?
Resistance
The ability to not be affected by something, or the refusal to comply with something.
In psychotherapy we are trained to respect resistance. We are encouraged to appreciate and express gratitude valuing the resistance, which may often have a protective factor. The invitation is to delve into the resistance and explore what it has to say to us.
What is it’s role?
What is it’s purpose?
The following meditation utilises body awareness to explore a relationship with resistance.
You may wish to have pen and paper to hand to capture notes immediately afterwards. You may also wish to record yourself reading out the directions for the meditation below as an audio file you can listen to, so you can fully focus on the meditation.
Befriending Resistance
- Begin to connect to breath, inhaling and exhaling through your nostrils, with the intention of having an evenly balanced inhale and exhale
- Bring your attention to the tip of your nose, to cultivate present moment awareness. If helpful, place a finger from your non-dominant hand on the tip of your nose to focus concentration. Cultivate this present moment awareness breath
- Connect with your sense of resistance. Notice if there’s a particular part of your body that seems to draw in your attention. Allow your attention to be brought to that spot and take a few breaths there to connect more deeply with the sense of resistance
- Notice if there’s a sense of:
- an image or symbol
- a sound
- a colour
- a memory
- Allow this sense to develop as you bring your attention to it, and see if it evolves or changes in any way
- Recollect the sense and hold gratitude for what it represents, noticing if you become aware of a greater degree of awareness of the resistance
- Befriend the resistance, noticing ways in which it has benefitted you
- Be curious about the resistance and ask it what it represents. Why is it showing up as a “No” to change?
- Notice what happens
- Ask the “No” what it needs
- Sit with the reflection and allow it to settle deep within you
- Become aware of the shape of your body and its edges, the muscles beneath your skin, and the bones of your skeleton
- Reconnect to the present moment awareness breath at the tip of your nose, until breath is evenly established
- Release the breath and shake out your arms and legs to complete the practice.
Sometimes, this exercise may need to be repeated several times to fully unfold and evolve. Not all of the meditation may be fully accessible. All of this is ok. Just notice where you’re at and release the rest – the exercise doesn’t need to be 100% complete in order to be helpful.
And if you find that this approach doesn’t work for you, that’s ok too. To quote Elizabeth Olsen, “ “No” is a full sentence.” Allow yourself to notice how powerful and strong the “No” is, and simply notice where it resides in your body, and honour its strength.
Once you’ve completed the meditation, see if you can doodle or jot down something to capture the sense you were able to contact.
You may also find multiple resistances that you may wish to explore further at your leisure, or perhaps with an experienced guide such as a therapist or meditation coach familiar with these meditative visualisation and body sensing techniques.
Honouring your resistances, and appreciating the ways in which they have helped, supported and protected you builds the power of gratitude for the ways of being which have helped you to become the person you are today. And perhaps, just perhaps…once you’ve taken the time to befriend your “No”, you might just find that something shifts enough to allow something different to emerge…
May your journey of exploration continue to evolve!
