I’ll do it tomorrow… After lunch I will make a start… I was going to – but then Rob called and I didn’t get around to it! I will quickly check my messages and then I will read the news…
We all find so many ways to distract ourselves from tasks we, for some reason or another, would rather postpone or not do at all. The excuses are endless, as are the possible distractions. What’s more we don’t only postpone once or twice, we do it numerous times. Over and over.
Procrastination is something so familiar to many of us.
But why is it so difficult to get started on something? Why does a simple job seem daunting? What stops us from making a start, let alone finishing a task?
At the risk of generalising, in most cases it is fear. Fear of not being good enough or Fear of failure. If we don’t start something, we can’t fail and can’t be judged on the result.
This is not a rational thought: How could one fail folding the laundry, or filling out a form?
These fears are more deep-rooted and go back to our childhood or younger years.
Certain experiences created the belief that we are not worthy or not capable of achieving something. Sometimes they were big life changing events, traumatic events even, but more often than not they stem from subtle comments or reactions from our main caregivers: parents, siblings, close relatives, teachers…
As we grow up, we may have learned that our efforts will not be judged kindly, that we will be criticised, that we won’t amount to much, or that another person (a sibling or parent, for example) will always be better and more talented, and it will never be good enough.
A scenario could be when we come home with a report card, and all our parents see is the one subject where we lacked some knowledge, ignoring all the good marks. We got picked last for the football team, and our sibling is so much better at drawing… the list goes on.
We start to believe that we are not as important or skilled, talented, or equipped as others. So why bother? A brain that is now conditioned this way goes into self-defense mode to avoid disappointment and to protect us from any possible negative consequences. It sidetracks us, and we allow that to happen. Often, we are not even aware of it…
The good news is that whatever has been conditioned can be re-conditioned, even if that takes some time.
Neural pathways that have been shaped over many years can be reshaped into more useful or helpful ones.
You can rewrite the program, teach yourself that you are worthy, that you are good enough and capable, that failure is part of life and isn’t the end of the world. You can start counseling or therapy to explore those deep-rooted feelings, and once you develop your awareness and a better understanding of your feelings and patterns, you can change them if you want to. In the end, of course, it is always your choice.
If you think about it, decisions made out of fear keep you stuck. Decisions that take courage almost always move you forward. Think of all you have achieved in your life – your driving test, your first kiss, a job interview, buying a house, moving countries – it all took courage. You wouldn’t be where you are now if you had let fear guide you.
Fear is a bad advisor.
Sometimes it can be quite refreshing to look at all those small and big achievements to remind you of what you are truly capable of. There are literally hundreds of achievements, and if you could overcome your fears then, you surely can do it again.
In the meantime, here is a simple trick you can use to stop the endless, negative train of thought in the back of your mind. Imagine a task is like launching a rocket: Simply count back from 5. I am going to start cleaning out that cupboard in 5, 4, 3, 2… 1 and then take action. The urge to distract yourself disappears as you have broken the spell, for now anyway. If the task at hand is rather big, then divide it up into smaller tasks and do them one by one.
So, if you would like to stop procrastinating, don’t let fear guide you and take action.
5,4,3,2,1!
Main – Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
