How are relationships maintained?
What is the cost benefit ratio of your current relationship? If the rewards out weigh the costs then the relationship is likely to be maintained. The Social Exchange Theory (Rusbult, 1983) says relationships are maintained based on a comparison level. The more rewards, the more positive the relationship will be and vice versa. What is interesting to me is that we change, our needs change, what we want changes which is a potential reason why the equilibrium in relationships often change.
In order for a relationship to be successful one has to be satisfied with the balance of costs vs rewards. Secondly, the quality of any alternatives has to be minimal. The moment we spot a better alternative, the balance is tipped. However, one may still decide to stay in this unbalanced relationship because of the amount of perceived investment e.g. time, finance, friends that they believe they will lose if the relationship ends. This is a tricky one to balance out but I believe that this model does outline how important it is for us to be honest about what we perceive we are putting in and getting out of the relationship.
According to the Centeredness Model (Bennett 2014), in order for a relationship to be maintained knowing who you are and then remaining in one’s centre is vital. Every person has their own centre. This is when a person acts and talks from a place within their true centre, who they really are. All too often in relationships partners want to either bring their partners over to their centre or they go into the other person’s centre (space). This is where communication is important. One has to be honest with their partner about how they feel and what they want. Secondly, their partner has to understand that it is not a personal attack but just the other expressing how they feel. Once this exchange takes place, the two partners should meet in the middle. When no compromise can be found for whatever reason, it is often at this point that partners decide to walk different paths.
The wine bottle analogy (Bennett, 2014)… If we sit on opposite sides of a table and look at a wine bottle for example and I say to you, “There is a bar code here”. The person on the other side of the table is likely to say ‘No’ because they genuinely cannot see it. Relationships break down when people are more focused on their own side than their partners. Yes, there is definitely a bar code. We cannot deny that. Your feelings are real and should be honoured. However, so should the feelings of your partner. Just because they can’t see and understand your side doesn’t mean that it is not valid. They key is to honour your partners feeling by letting them explain how they feel. Even if you don’t understand them, you should honour that to them, they are real.
