‘Self care is not a luxury, it is a necessity!’
I often tell my clients this, especially when they find it hard to look after their own needs and instead put others first.
Their kids, parents, partners, & friends often have first dibs on their attention & energy.
We all know how important it is to do what is right for ourselves, and we might have bursts of essential self-care every now and then, especially when we reach a low point. We might start eating a bit healthier, going to bed on time, or perhaps even getting a nice haircut or manicure. But then, we often fall back into our old patterns and start ignoring our own needs, wants, and even boundaries again. A common misconception is that self-care takes time away from our already busy lives or costs money that we can’t justify spending on something that feels like selfishness.
However, self-care doesn’t have to cost time or money – it can be found or created in everyday activities and routines. Self-care is anything but selfish.
With a healthy level of self-care, by focusing a little bit more on our own well-being, not only do we feel more content and confident, but we also become better parents, better friends, better partners, and better lovers.
Self-care creates a ripple effect where everyone benefits from our improved overall health, mental clarity, boundaries, & contentment.
Here are six kinds of self-care, each of which helps us cultivate awareness of what we do, how we do it, and why. Just remind yourself, “I am doing this for me,” and this simple acknowledgment will already make a difference in how you feel.
1. Physical self-care:
Our diet, exercise, quality of sleep, use of substances, and personal hygiene fall under physical self-care. More often than not, we know what is good for us; we just don’t put it into practice. So, if you’re cooking a meal anyway, you might as well prepare something healthy. Give your body what it needs instead of what it wants – healthy can be very tasty too! You can walk to the shop instead of driving, go to the gym, or have a swim once a week instead of watching TV. You can cut back on alcohol, tobacco, and sugar, and you can take good care of that wonderful body of yours. We’re going to eat, drink, move, shower, and sleep anyway, and just by changing things up a bit, all these everyday activities can become acts of self-care. By saying, “I am preparing this healthy meal for me; this walk is self-care; brushing my teeth is not just a habit but an active choice to stay healthy,” you encourage yourself to feel more positive.
2. Mental self-care:
Our mental health is very precious and can easily be affected by the people around us or our circumstances. But in fact, it’s not the people or circumstances that determine how we feel; it’s our response to them. Mental self-care includes setting healthy boundaries. Without boundaries, we get taken for granted, we don’t feel seen, heard, or validated, and sometimes we don’t even get acknowledged. That’s when resentment kicks in, and we become upset or disappointed with the world around us. When we set boundaries, people start paying attention, we get treated more fairly, we have a voice, and we feel more included and valued. If nothing else, we at least value ourselves! Take a moment to think about how certain activities or relationships impact your mental health – positively or negatively – and make good choices accordingly.
3. Emotional self-care:
Every emotion you experience is there for a reason – your body is trying to tell you something. Emotional self-care is about being more mindful of your emotions, paying attention to them, and allowing them to be present without judgment or ignoring them. We often ignore how we feel, finding excuses and reasons not to act on our emotions, and if we do this often enough, we start to feel numb. Numbness can be easier in the short term, but in the long term, it leads to chronic discontentment and sometimes even depression. So pay attention to your emotions, give them time and space, try to figure out what exactly you are feeling, and then decide whether to act on that emotion or simply let it exist.
4. Sensual self-care:
Sensual self-care involves paying attention to all your senses, one by one. Treat your taste buds by eating something purely for its taste – just a tiny piece of Belgian chocolate, for instance – let it rest on your tongue, and savor it for as long as you can. Listen to your favorite music, the sound of rain, children’s voices, or even silence, with intent – just because it’s beautiful. Take a second to smell your coffee, carefully prepared food, freshly washed linen, flowers in your garden, or your shower gel, and let the scent linger for a few seconds. Wear a scent that makes you feel good. Look at clouds, nature, your loved ones, a pretty pattern, or your favorite car – just because you can and because you like how your vision makes you marvel. Feel, not just with your hands but with your entire body. Feel the warm water running off your neck in the shower, the softness of a new jumper on your bare skin, the touch of someone on your arm, the warmth of a cup of tea in your hands, and the fluffiness of a cat as you stroke it. Be mindful and allow your senses to delight you.
5. Spiritual self-care:
Feeling connected to something bigger than our immediate context can be a spiritual experience. For some, it may be praying, spending time in church, a mosque, or a temple, and gathering with people of their faith. For others, it could be meditating, going for a long run, paying close attention to the miracles of nature, getting lost in art or music, or simply looking at the ocean or staring into a fire. Even if it’s just for a few minutes a day. I haven’t come across anyone who looked at the stars for a few minutes and said, “That’s a bit rubbish, isn’t it?” No, we feel awe when we pay close attention to what surrounds us – whether it’s our god, our core community, nature, or the universe. It makes us feel good.
6. Adventurous self-care:
This type of self-care involves pushing your boundaries and stepping out of your comfort zone. For some, it may be skydiving, bungee jumping, or rock climbing, but it doesn’t have to be that extreme. It could be as simple as ordering a spicy dish when you usually opt for mild food, trying a new drink, visiting a place you’ve never been, listening to unfamiliar music, running an extra mile, cooking a more complicated meal following a recipe, or learning a new skill or language. Whatever goal you set for yourself, achieving it brings a sense of success, lifting you up and boosting your self-worth.
By intentionally paying attention to the almost unlimited acts of self-care described here, each time your brain will produce a small – or, depending on the activity, larger – hit of dopamine or serotonin, making you feel good, content, or even happy. What’s not to like? And it doesn’t take much effort or time.
Just be more aware & mindful of your everyday habits, routines, & actions.
To get started, pick one area of self-care to focus on each day, and as time goes by, you’ll notice it comes more naturally.
Eventually, all six areas will start to merge, creating overlap. For instance, taking a very hot or cold shower can be physical, sensual, and adventurous self-care all at once. It takes time to form new habits, so making a plan could be helpful – write down what changes you can already make or what you could pay more attention to.
Remember, actively practicing self-care is not selfish – it’s what you deserve & need to feel content.
