A Journey through Prostate Massage and Unconditional Love
My introduction to prostate massage occurred when I was just a few months into grieving the sudden death of my wife and partner of 20 years. It came about through an internet search for a retreat, which led me to the Tantric Journey website. The website had a link to a prostate massage practitioner.
At that time, one of the things I missed most was intimate touch. Although a little terrifying, a session with Atka seemed like it would fulfill some of that need, and the testimonials were plentiful and positive.
The session was very long – I arrived at 2 pm and left at 10:30 pm – though I wasn’t conscious of the time passing for most of the massage. Through the session, I certainly received the intimate (and loving) touch that I was craving, but I had not been prepared for what an utterly transformative experience the session would be.
At that time, my experience of grieving was feeling constantly unsafe on every level, both physically and emotionally. On one hand, I dared not ride my bicycle, and on the other, I was hyper-vigilant to the often clumsy things well-intentioned people would say that might send me into a tailspin. The other manifestation of my grief was a nearly endless internal dialogue with myself about my guilt and shame around the manner of my grieving, how I should be feeling, how other people might view my process, and so on.
From the following day onward, my inner turmoil had completely calmed, and the feeling of lack of safety was gone. Anyone could say anything to me, and I could handle it with serenity.
How could I achieve this in one session?
I’m now well on the way to being certified as a Tantric Journey Educator myself, so I know that the intention of the work is to release stored negative emotions – either through prostate and lingam massage for a man, or yoni massage for a woman. It could well be that I released a lot of stored emotion during that first session, but there is another critical part of the session that I believe was more significant.
Every session is intended to be a gift of unconditional love from the practitioner to the receiver, without any expectation of reciprocation. This was made very clear to me by Atka during the initial consultation, which also included a detailed explanation of exactly what the session would include (together with the assurance that I could withdraw consent for any part of the session at any point).
As I suspect is true for many people, receiving without reciprocating was unusual for me to the point that it felt wrong. I now recognise that, at least in my case, this was closely related to my sense of self-worth – unconsciously I couldn’t receive without returning the favour because I did not feel I was deserving. The very significant outcome of that first session was the recognition that I was not a bad person and that I deserved to receive loving attention, because Atka’s session made it undeniable.
We must have spent at least two hours talking prior to any bodywork – about my intentions, my personal circumstances, sexuality, the content of the session, and boundaries – meaning that the massage was about six hours long. As Atka had encouraged me, I was focused on my breath, so able to remain very present to the sensations and the feeling of love that came through her touch. I was distracted only momentarily by the realisation that, lying naked on my front with my legs spread and a stranger kneeling between them, I felt safer than I had since my wife had passed away.
In this work, the prostate is massaged through the anus (the practitioner wears surgical gloves), and my first time was quite painful, though only when her finger was passing through the sphincter muscles. I don’t remember much else about the prostate massage other than Atka’s incredibly loving and nurturing presence. Subsequently, I’ve come to really enjoy it and to feel that it’s very beneficial for my health to receive prostate massage every month or two.
When I booked the session, my instinct was to sign up for everything that was available, meaning I booked both prostate and lingam massage. It’s possible to have only prostate massage, but lingam massage is not offered without the prostate massage. Atka had also made it clear during our consultation that the intention of lingam massage is not to result in ejaculation, and though it would not be a disaster if I did ejaculate, she would help me manage my energy to begin to learn to avoid it. Instead, the purpose of lingam massage is to cultivate energy and then disperse it through the whole body, to nourish and heal.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, there has been very limited research into the medical benefits of prostate massage, and some of that involved using a massage device rather than receiving from a skilled practitioner. It is quite likely that it can relieve inflammation in prostatitis, especially when it is of unknown origin. It has been suggested that it can help cure erectile dysfunction, and while that may be unlikely from a mechanical point of view, as the causes of ED are likely emotional and the purpose of this massage is in part to release stored emotion, it may well be true.
As I mentioned above, the particular training for this work that I have taken is to become a ‘Certified Tantric Journey Educator,’ and there’s no doubt that my first session was an education as well as being hugely healing.
Main – Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash
